Writing in starlight as I shoot for the moon
Smell the lilac in bloom and feel the evening dew
I listen to the cricket song playing in the night
See the fruit bats taking flight
Headlights pass deceiving my eye changing shadow as they drive by
Quiet and stillness take hold, a bit muggy but not cold
looking at a bog shaped like a bowl, it’s filled with fog muck and mire
I’m so calm, I yawn with a stretch and then I retire
Goodnight
I love it when I come into contact with real people, that are not afraid to be their true self. Here’s a story of an inquisitive young man. As he walks out into the world he sees seemingly everyone running around frantically everywhere, trying to find a good hiding place. He calls out to one of them why’s everybody hiding? The man replies, we have to hide or the one of the monsters will terrorize us. What monsters he says? Conformity, Judgement, Gossip, and the Politically Correct monster. That doesn’t make much sense because this is all wide open space and there are really no good hiding places. The man says, we just pretend to be something else, like a tree or a car. The young man shakes his head a little and say’s that’s ridiculous, it’s obvious to everyone, that all of you people are pretending to be something your’re not. The man says, well that’s just what we do. Everybody knows it and nobody says anything. Unless someone thinks they don’t have to hide and then we’ll talk about them. OK?, strange?. thanks for clearing that up sir.
It seems most everywhere I go, everybody is hiding, either part or all of themselves behind some sort of concocted persona they’ve made up. Only showing you what they want you to see. Most are constantly worried about the perception of everyone else. How does my house look (outwardly), what kind of car do I drive, what do I do for a living, what does my spouse look or act like, do my children behave well and have acceptable manners, and so on. Meanwhile, most often everything is not as it appears, they may be miserable, in debt up to their eyeballs, having abuse or other scandals behind there golden doors. How many times do we see people who seem to “Have it all” end up in total crisis or dead. Happiness is an inside job it is not external.
I think that sounds like an awful lot of investment on all fronts with no real dividends. Especially considering nobody else really appreciates anyone having more or better of anything. Usually people that talk smack talk smack no matter what. The confines of fitting the norm and being like everyone else is like the stepford wives to me. People rob themselves of there true character and freedom of self expression because of fear. Oh, gasp, you shouldn’t, you can’t, what will people think, what will they say?
They will say what they will say. In fact “People” may take great delight in having something to talk about, especially if they can place themselves above you by assassinating your character or worth.
I say please above all else be true to yourself. Seek what makes you happy, not everyone else. This is your life, this is it, enjoy every possible minute. I avoid people that have it twisted, because it’s all an illusion, King Solomon said all of his vast wealth was like sand falling through his fingers.
This is a poorly paraphrased story from Genesis that I thought of before writing.
When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden (after God told them not to) They realized they were naked and immediately covered themselves. God came into the garden and they hid from Him. God already new what they had done. God said why are you hiding yourselves.
They had everything they could want, but there was more to be had.
I am rich beyond measure, and you are also, “if” you have your values correctly placed. Love everyone, including yourself’ ~ J ~
That’s it! If I have a problem, I HAVE A PROBLEM! “Keeping it real” if my focus is contaminated or disruptive to my life as it happens, I know I need to address it, and then adjust my thinking. My serenity is directly proportionate to my spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. If I focus on the wondrous, life will be wonderful!
You are a incredible creation, what you have, I do not, there’s something very unique and special about you. If you have not discovered it, search yourself, you may not discover it, but it is there. Embrace and love everything that is you. Where we feel we are defective is often our best gift. It gives us the power of witness, our experience is similar to that of a great explorer. We can show others how we have made our way in this life. You were destined for greatness even though it may feel like mediocrity.
Be well, live, and love all, including yourself, ~ J ~
Tomorrow has arrived and has become today. What will I allow it to be?
I guess it all depends on what I magnify and how many times my magnification is. When it comes to problems of life, will I be like a child who looks at an ant and gets frightened by it’s monster like appearance. Will I be like the adult who knows it’s only an ant, knowing if I remove the magnifying glass it becomes tiny and relatively harmless. Similarly when we have an injury, if we focus on it, all the worse it feels. It may begin to throb and ache. Think about the hick-ups and they seem like they’ll never go away. Suddenly we realize they’ve gone without our knowing. Sometimes realizing they’ve gone “HICK-UP!” they come back. So too, can be whatever has our focus and attention. I suggest taking the magnifying glass off of whatever disturbs you and putting it over things which fill you with happiness and contentment. Our problems are seldom as big as they appear. Once they pass they’re often forgotten or even a laughably ridiculous waste of time.
“You’ve got to accentuate the positive! Deliberate the negative, and look out for Mr. in between”
Have a very Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and for everyone else I hope the day is merry for you too!
The gift is in the giving, so give your all everywhere!
~ J ~
I think everyone has some part of their life that’s been broken or missing at one time or for the rest of time. Most have experienced heartbreak, loss of loved ones, injuries, illness, etcetera. How we handle it is what defines the quality of our life. I come from hand me downs and sharing as part of my up bringing. Although, I did get a lot of new things, I don’t think I cared for them any more or any less. The things I’ve loved most in my life I’ve always wore out, broke or completely ruined faster. Long after many of these things useful life was complete, I still cherished them. I remember the trucks with missing wheels, I remember my sister had headless dolls she’d play with and so on. My point is the gauge of the love we receive may be in this proportion and also how much more shouldn’t we continue to love ourselves with our missing pieces and broken parts. Keep playing the game with all you have, as if nothing has changed. You still have great value!
~ J ~
We’ll put our spirits on the mend
We’re in this together my friend
I say my words and at the end you have a turn you might like them or set them ablaze and watch them burn
I may rhyme and say things in a two or four sentence pattern
write in stardust like I could be from Saturn
It’s not for cash money I write
It’s to wish you good day and even better night!
So as you wake up and get under way please remember to have a great day
Spread love and goodness along your way
As you walk by flowers will bloom
People will smile when you enter the room
Primp and groom and soon you’ll see how great our day will be!
Life is but a small number of breaths and then it passes from us. I was speaking to my wife the other day and we were talking about something taking 15 years to accomplish. I said; “In 15 years I’ll be 60.” Right then it hit me and I have to admit it was pure shock. I said it again, except this time I exclaimed; IN 15 YEARS I’LL BE 60!!! WHAT HAPPENED? I was just a teenager, what seemed like just the other day. At best my life is likely 1/2 past. So it is. I feel pretty good; I see a lot more gray popping out, but it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. So it isn’t. It isn’t a lot of time, life is short and I see now the more that passes the shorter it seems. I suppose being anesthetized only squandered and slowed my perception of time. That’s not where I intended to go, excuse the rant. Here’s my thought; the seemingly hopeless situations I have passed are beyond my ability to recall. Many of the difficulties and struggles I don’t even remember. Obstacles I thought insurmountable I have overcome or have been removed for me. Things that seem to go on for days, week, months, and even years seem like they passed with hardly a thought. So where I am today is pretty relaxed. I don’t get real excited about too much “drama of life” anymore because I understand that it will pass. Everything will work out according to Gods plan whether I participate or not. As a matter of fact things might even get worse if I try to put my controlling hand in. Sure I could sit back and look at all the possible scenarios and potential outcomes. For what? I’m not going to waste time, the solutions are either apparent or they present themselves over time. I just need to continue doing the next right thing that is right in front of me.
Worry only worries
Doubt only doubts
Their only purpose is fuel for fear. I trust the master plan and it always works out the way it is supposed to the end.
The “Good Life” is the one you have! Live it up! ~ J ~
I rebelled and struck out on my own as early as I was unable. I wanted to be my own man, I felt alone like it was me against the world and that nobody truly cared about me. I didn’t realize until years later how wrong I was. I see today by forcing my independence and not allowing anyone to get close to me out of fear of being hurt or letting them down is what lead to my isolation. I told my Wife before I married her “That I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and would not answer to her”. The reason I said that, or so I thought, was to proclaim my independence. In reality I was trying to shrug accountability and responsibility. The two words I just typed struck me funny, because that’s exactly where I was going with this. Allow me to clarify, both words have ability in them and that is it in a nutshell. I drank and when I did, there was no telling what would happen, where I might end up, when or if I’d even come home. So rather than continually having to apologize or justify behavior which was really beyond my control, I created my escape hatch. The irony is that I proclaimed my independence because of my dependence on alcohol. No excuses to be made, no arguments to have, I do what I want! right? Of course, this thinking was as flawed as my drinking. I built walls made of false fronts and bravado, I covered myself with a mask where you could no longer see me. There I was trapped by independence, a prisoner in my own mind
I had all of these preconceived notions about everyone. Hiding inside, I’d think to myself I wonder if you like me or if you think I’m crazy. In nearly the same thought, think that I didn’t care, I don’t need anyone I’m my friend. I’d them assess your flaws and think of what I didn’t like about you in case you didn’t like me so your opinion wouldn’t count. I could then preserve my false pride and superiority while I battled my inferiority. I noticed over time how my scenery changed. The group of people and the establishments I frequented became, let’s say, less sophisticated. Seeking to be accepted yet never wanting to join. I was independent other than the fact that my entire life was dependent on the people around me and how long they’d tolerate the insanity. The very systems and thinking I put in place to maintain my independence finally succeeded and I was independent, in dependence and completely alone, with the exception of God. I talked to Him a lot but wouldn’t hear Him. At that point, when I didn’t understand why my life was like it was, I started to seek answers. I became honest with myself, I opened my mind to new ideas and principles, and most of all I became willing to change. I’m going to play on words because this came to me suddenly and made sense. I realized in any relationship which I am a partner I have to do a part. Also, that the whole world didn’t revolve around me and when I refused to participate it would just pass me by. Again, in order for me to be an active participant in my own life, I had to do my part. I began to tear at my walls. I found that I built the walls a long time ago, when I was a scared child and while in there I couldn’t see everything clearly. My vision was obscured by my perception. Like a plant without the proper son light I didn’t grow much emotionally and stayed a small scared child inside. Once I started to break down the walls and barriers that kept me inside I found they were primarily constructed of bottles of booze, drugs, cemented with lies I told myself to justify my behaviors and the things that brought me pleasure. When I discovered that was what had blocked me all these years, I began to kick and strike at them. I became angry but the walls were amazingly strong and I couldn’t break through on my own. I was dependent upon them to secure my independence. I began to cry out for help, it seemed nobody was listening. When I stopped yelling I could hear a faint voice say just stop drinking, start to do the next right thing that is in front of you. Trust another person who had walls like yours and together we will take them down.
True independence is based on total dependence and reliance upon God. He is the One who created us for a special purpose. We are designed to seek the peace and euphoria only He can provide. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating, pain and all of the things that bring some of us a similar feeling will not suffice, so we need more. We find in time, as you might expect, they stop working and the very thing we use for reliance, independence, and peace becomes our captor.
Break the chains of addiction and the vicious cycle of self will, seek the purpose of your creation, and ask God to help you offer yourself and your life to Him with complete abandon and fulfill your purpose. He will help as long as you’re willing to follow His gentle direction.
I will speak from my experience, material I have read and principles I continually work. Some of what I say may have a familiar ring if you are in recovery, some you likely have not heard.
I’ll start with a quote and this is a fundamental concept for change.
“It is through self forgetting that we no peace.”
If you can wrap your head around this concept and apply it to your life you will be content.
What it boils down to ultimately is most of our problems are of self. Generally something that we desire, we’re unhappy about, or cannot accept. Some of us are completely self obsessed and don’t really have time to think about anyone else. We force our will in all situations and make minimal if any contribution that does not benefit ouselves.
This is my world and everyone else is just living in it!”
“Everything ain’t about you! Because it’s all about me!”
“I’m the center of the universe (my universe)”
This post is about honest self appraisal. Look at yourself honestly and either adjust and change or maintain the status quot, that is entirely up to you. This is only a small model for self awareness of a condition of life that can place you in a position of opposition with everyone, including yourself. Conversely, it may provide affirmation of an already giving nature.
I have some basic questions which may or may not help you determine if you want to become more altruistic (freely giving of yourself without expectation of return)
If I’m always thinking of myself there’s no time for anyone else.
If I continually put myself first others will want me to be last, wait in line, or take turns
If I’m always concerned about myself nobody else needs to be.
I have invariably found that I have made decisions in my life based on self which later placed me in a position to be harmed. I have stepped on the toes of the people around me and they retaliated, seemingly without provocation. I believe that most of my problems arose out of self due to self-will running out of control. so most of my troubles were of my own making or exaggerations of my perception.
I lived a good part of my life like a parasite feeding off of others in nearly every relationship. It was always what I was getting, how I was treated, or my significance (ego, pride, Self)(I never really considered what others were receiving in return)even when I made time to give of myself it was on my terms, at my convenience. When I played with my children I didn’t play what they wanted to play, I played what I thought would be fun. At work I always had to be a front runner, calling the shots, always threatened by the ambition of others. At home it was the same, I had to have controls on everything (My will be done). In fact as long as I can remember, once I figured out you couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, and that I only had to deal with the consequences, I did whatever I wanted. My brother Scott told me once, after I came to him with concerns about friends and acceptance. He said “Who cares what anyone else thinks, this is your world and everyone else is just living in it” New Years eve one year I was around 16, Scott and I wanted to go to this party. We went upstairs and asked Mom if we could go. Mom said, “No, that’s going to be a drinking party, and besides you’re grounded for 3 months.” Scott and I returned to the basement, he was aggravated and said “I don’t give a shit, I’m going are you going or what?” I said, “we’re grounded” Then Scott unknowingly said something that would change my life. He said, “We are going to be grounded until we turn 18, we can do whatever we want, what are they going to do, ground us?” My poor Mom and Dad, there is 7 of us kids and we were all a bit mischievous. Scott and I went to the party, despite my Mothers direction and didn’t return home until around dinner time the next day. At the party, I was completely wasted long before new year. In fact the only thing I remember clearly, is someone saying “somebodies past out on the bathroom floor” to which I said, “kick em they’ll get up” only to open my eyes and be looking at the base of the toilet.
Once I stopped thinking about myself all the time most of my problems disappeared. By beginning to constantly think of others and how I might be helpful to them, others began to think about me (in a possitive light).
Be well, and enjoy life, put the time in with the people you love, you never know when the last opportunity will be to show them you care, Jason
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