Category Archives: I

The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

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Envision 

Sometimes it does me good to envision bright days, fun times, vacations and a wildly prosperous future.
I hear the talk about power of intention. I even see people I love putting stock in it under the guise of positive thinking. I kid around about this sometimes, I said earlier today that I would make my first million this year and said I’m focusing my “power of intention” on earning over 500,000.00 dollars for our annual income this year. (Joking, but hey maybe I’ll believe in it, if my bank account does. LOL) I will put my best foot forward.
I produce concepts and invent things that work, it’s a fun thought for a moment. I thought of my life as a millionaire. I thought wouldn’t it be grand not to be reliant on a job. I’m a simple man, I can’t think of one thing I want. Traveling would be cool. I don’t buy into the “intention” line of thinking but it was fun.
More practically, we also mentioned going to Sea World this summer. I envision the “WOW” in my kids eyes. What a fantastic picture, I’m as excited as Clark Griswold was when he planned his trip to Wally World. So many endless possibilities. Maybe I’m a bit of a dreamer? I think of my future at work and that seems to slowly evolve. People are retiring in groves creating opportunities for change, advancement, and God willing better pay. I used to “black cloud” everything and think of the worse case scenarios. In retrospect, the way my life was going, maybe there was something to that “power of intention” LOL. I do believe we can make things worse or better in accordance with our mindset and attitudes (positive or negative). I’ve seen the difference in the atmosphere and culture of work and social environments I’ve been in and I’m sure you have too. All depending on the dynamic, management style, treatment, chemistry and attitudes of the staff. Simply put “negativity breeds negativity and positive promotes positive. In this too (especially) I envision the positive change my attitude and actions will bring about over time. I have already witnessed great affect just by being courteous, kind, and genuinely appreciative of others and their value. I also see others adopting like mindsets and having a positive affect on their circles. I envision a day when the world can be like it was in the past, where people wave as you pass by (I’m a waiver). Everyone smiles when they see you (I’m a bit smiley) people talk to their neighbors and have gatherings (we do with the positive ones). I hope to see chivalry come back strong, honor, integrity, and common courtesy.

These quotes are off the top of my head. The first just came to me fresh and the other came a little while back as an epiphany, likely inspired by The Holy Spirit

“The better the perspective we maintain, the better the perspective we maintain.

“The quality of life we maintain, is the quality of life we maintain.”

I encourage you to live well, help others, and love everyone, especially yourself because you can change the world one smile at a time. Have a great day, ~ J ~