Slightly Worn

What do you do when the shine has wore off
the newness is gone
the thing you once possessed so vibrant and full of life
all the perceived expectations and excitement lived
the newness is gone
it has now been loved fully and in this process nearly ruined
as all my favorite things are
loved so much they’re worn  out completely do I love it the same or love it more because all I’ve gotten out of it!
Like the old pair of shoes that finally became comfortable but when it rains they take on water
the hat that fits just right but looks dirty
My comfortable T-shirt and jeans with the holes that I love, but when I wear them I look like a disheveled homeless person
This is not an object I speak of it’s my life
I look to my life and know that all the newness that once was there I rubbed off personally
every mark, blemish, stain, spot , and scar on my life, I have earned and worked very hard for
good and bad creaking, popping parts, scars, and dings are not flaws or fractures but character & beauty all creative parts of the evidence of my existence
The story in a piece of art
I continue to wear it, I proudly put it on everyday
It’s one of a kind
There’s no other like it on earth
Created by The Master Craftsman for a unique purpose
I look at my life and see
laughing and tears
Pain and healing
Struggles and victory
Death and life
Yin and yang
Most of all I have seen the workings of my life and the affect it has had on others and the understanding of greater purpose glad suffering and a penitent heart,
I look forward to the story to come, I’m going to keep sewing the holes and trying to polish the shine back on it, as I cherish the gift I was given.
Jason

Why’s Everybody Hiding

I love it when I come into contact with real people, that are not afraid to be their true self. Here’s a story of an inquisitive young man. As he walks out into the world he sees seemingly everyone running around frantically everywhere, trying to find a good hiding place. He calls out to one of them why’s everybody hiding? The man replies, we have to hide or the one of the monsters will terrorize us. What monsters he says? Conformity, Judgement, Gossip, and the Politically Correct monster. That doesn’t make much sense because this is all wide open space and there are really no good hiding places. The man says, we just pretend to be something else, like a tree or a car. The young man shakes his head a little and say’s that’s ridiculous, it’s obvious to everyone, that all of you people are pretending to be something your’re not. The man says, well that’s just what we do. Everybody knows it and nobody says anything. Unless someone thinks they don’t have to hide and then we’ll talk about them. OK?, strange?. thanks for clearing that up sir.

It seems most everywhere I go, everybody is hiding, either part or all of themselves behind some sort of concocted persona they’ve made up. Only showing you what they want you to see. Most are constantly worried about the perception of everyone else. How does my house look (outwardly), what kind of car do I drive, what do I do for a living, what does my spouse look or act like, do my children behave well and have acceptable manners, and so on. Meanwhile, most often everything is not as it appears, they may be miserable, in debt up to their eyeballs, having abuse or other scandals behind there golden doors. How many times do we see people who seem to “Have it all” end up in total crisis or dead. Happiness is an inside job it is not external.

I think that sounds like an awful lot of investment on all fronts with no real dividends. Especially considering nobody else really appreciates anyone having more or better of anything. Usually people that talk smack talk smack no matter what. The confines of fitting the norm and being like everyone else is like the stepford wives to me. People rob themselves of there true character and freedom of self expression because of fear. Oh, gasp, you shouldn’t, you can’t, what will people think, what will they say?

They will say what they will say. In fact “People” may take great delight in having something to talk about, especially if they can place themselves above you by assassinating your character or worth.

I say please above all else be true to yourself. Seek what makes you happy, not everyone else. This is your life, this is it, enjoy every possible minute. I avoid people that have it twisted, because it’s all an illusion, King Solomon said all of his vast wealth was like sand falling through his fingers.

This is a poorly paraphrased story from Genesis that I thought of before writing.

When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden (after God told them not to) They realized they were naked and immediately covered themselves. God came into the garden and they hid from Him. God already new what they had done. God said why are you hiding yourselves.

They had everything they could want, but there was more to be had.

I am rich beyond measure, and you are also, “if” you have your values correctly placed. Love everyone, including yourself’ ~ J ~

Independence or In dependence

 

I rebelled and struck out on my own as early as I was unable. I wanted to be my own man, I felt alone like it was me against the world and that nobody truly cared about me. I didn’t realize until years later how wrong I was. I see today by forcing my independence and not allowing anyone to get close to me out of fear of being hurt or letting them down is what lead to my isolation. I told my Wife before I married her “That I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and would not answer to her”. The reason I said that, or so I thought, was to proclaim my independence. In reality I was trying to shrug accountability and responsibility. The two words I just typed struck me funny, because that’s exactly where I was going with this. Allow me to clarify, both words have ability in them and that is it in a nutshell. I drank and when I did, there was no telling what would happen, where I might end up, when or if I’d even come home. So rather than continually having to apologize or justify behavior which was really beyond my control, I created my escape hatch. The irony is that I proclaimed my independence because of my dependence on alcohol. No excuses to be made, no arguments to have, I do what I want! right? Of course, this thinking was as flawed as my drinking. I built walls made of false fronts and bravado, I covered myself with a mask where you could no longer see me. There I was trapped by independence, a prisoner in my own mind

I had all of these preconceived notions about everyone. Hiding inside, I’d think to myself I wonder if you like me or if you think I’m crazy. In nearly the same thought, think that I didn’t care, I don’t need anyone I’m my friend. I’d them assess your flaws and think of what I didn’t like about you in case you didn’t like me so your opinion wouldn’t count. I could then preserve my false pride and superiority while I battled my inferiority. I noticed over time how my scenery changed. The group of people and the establishments I frequented became, let’s say, less sophisticated. Seeking to be accepted yet never wanting to join. I was independent other than the fact that my entire life was dependent on the people around me and how long they’d tolerate the insanity. The very systems and thinking I put in place to maintain my independence finally succeeded and I was independent, in dependence and completely alone, with the exception of God. I talked to Him a lot but wouldn’t hear Him. At that point, when I didn’t understand why my life was like it was, I started to seek answers. I became honest with myself, I opened my mind to new ideas and principles, and most of all I became willing to change. I’m going to play on words because this came to me suddenly and made sense. I realized in any relationship which I am a partner I have to do a part. Also, that the whole world didn’t revolve around me and when I refused to participate it would just pass me by. Again, in order for me to be an active participant in my own life, I had to do my part. I began to tear at my walls. I found that I built the walls a long time ago, when I was a scared child and while in there I couldn’t see everything clearly. My vision was obscured by my perception. Like a plant without the proper son light I didn’t grow much emotionally and stayed a small scared child inside. Once I started to break down the walls and barriers that kept me inside I found they were primarily constructed of bottles of booze, drugs, cemented with lies I told myself to justify my behaviors and the things that brought me pleasure. When I discovered that was what had blocked me all these years, I began to kick and strike at them. I became angry but the walls were amazingly strong and I couldn’t break through on my own. I was dependent upon them to secure my independence. I began to cry out for help, it seemed nobody was listening. When I stopped yelling I could hear a faint voice say just stop drinking, start to do the next right thing that is in front of you. Trust another person who had walls like yours and together we will take them down.

True independence is based on total dependence and reliance upon God. He is the One who created us for a special purpose. We are designed to seek the peace and euphoria only He can provide. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating, pain and all of the things that bring some of us a similar feeling will not suffice, so we need more. We find in time, as you might expect, they stop working and the very thing we use for reliance, independence, and peace becomes our captor.

Break the chains of addiction and the vicious cycle of self will, seek the purpose of your creation, and ask God to help you offer yourself and your life to Him with complete abandon and fulfill your purpose. He will help as long as you’re willing to follow His gentle direction.

Good life to you, Jason

The Leaf and the Tree

The leaf that holds firmly onto the branch rain or shine though storm and calm receives all that it needs. The tree and all of its other leaves work in cooperation to fulfill a sustained purpose of life. If the leaf falls away from the tree it will ride free in the wind away from the restraint of the Tree and its branches for a time, without the protection of the tree and unification with the other leaves, the leaf will eventually fall, overcome by the gravity of the world and wither on the ground or in the gutter. I wonder does the leaf long to be back on the tree? Jason Byers

Hold fast to our creator my friends, unlike the leaf we can reconnect simply by asking. Fulfill the purpose of your creation and be content, we’re all in this together.

DESTITUTE!!! When All Seems Lost

I went to the ocean of my existence and set my thoughts adrift on a frail vessel. It seemed calm, I had no idea a storm was coming.
Having sailed the seas before I new these waters could be treacherous but I was ill prepared for the storm that entered my life. It battered my vessel from all directions, my thoughts were scattered. Shaken to my very core, I closed my eyes and hoped it would stop like a bad dream. Somehow suddenly all was submerged in the depths. I could not bring my thoughts to the surface they sank, down and down.
As I drown suffocating in this emotion, I succumbed, abandoning myself as there was nothing else I could do, I said God please help me!
I awoke on the shore in safe harbor with a newfound sense of security and trust, still bewildered, I’m approached by The One who saved me, He smiled upon me and said your vessel was crushed, your thoughts were damaged by the storm and cast to the bottom of existence, in it’s lowest place, they can no longer help you.
If you Trust in Me I can help you form new thoughts and build a stronger vessel that will remain unsinkable throughout all of existence, I will teach you all you need to know to navigate these waters and weather any storm.
I request only that you help anyone drowning or struggling to stay afloat in the ocean of existence. Tell them what I did for you and how they too can gain the same results if they only trust in Me and do likewise with still others.

I said “I’ll do anything, just please help me?”

He has remained with me since, we sail together and pull countless people from the depths that would have otherwise perished, we cannot save them all, Some want to save their old thoughts but they are too burdensome and heavy, so they sink with them. We can only help the ones who want to be saved desperately enough to abandon themselves as they grasp on and cling to the vessel.

When we experience terribly tragic events, or changes in our lives which are beyond our comprehension, it defy’s reason to think we can sort it out in our minds, by our own power. We end up having any one or a combination of issues manifest as a result. (mental breakdowns, life crisis, have anxiety, depression, substance/alcohol abuse and/or panic attacks etcetera)
The question that causes the most difficulty is “WHY?”
We don’t always get an answer and even sometimes when we do, the answer is unacceptable to us.
I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m not a religious fanatic. I do however have a belief and reliance upon God, His subtle guidance and protection.
That being said the answer to our questions is simple.
With a heart broken and complete self abandon say something like I did
“God with what has happened and whatever else you want from me, you can have it all, everything down to my very life, I give it to you it is already yours anyway, as it comes from you, just please help me”
My daily prayer is;
“God, please guide my thoughts and my actions, help me to be of maximum benefit to You and the people around me, protect me from myself, Thy will not mine be done in all things, Amen”

Try this it works I know a life today I didn’t think was possible, I’m happy despite the soul crushing death of my 14 year old son Jordan Timothy Byers, on 6/23/2005 may God rest his soul, bless him and keep him until we meet again, Amen

May He also bless you according to your willingness and abandon?