Putting On My Game Face

Waking this morning I find myself tiered. I engaged in a lot of physical exercise last night after running around all day at work.

Coffee!!! That is my present answer, and vitamins

How do we get from zero to hero
Go from being dead tired to energetic and happy.

I turn my focus to others, I’ll begin with you.

It is my true hope that you have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend. You may not know it but you have the power to save lives today, to shine a ray of light into someone’s dark world or brighten a dull day. if we’re fortunate enough we may encounter someone who needs compassion and encouragement, we can easily provide this at no cost to us.

What to say is not of much importance . You may think, I don’t know if I could do that? If you see the person, you know the one visibly stressed perhaps, head in hand or even crying. Think of them as yourself, or a close friend
Approach them and say something like;
Good (whatever time of day it is)
Whatever is going on with you right now has just got you really overwhelmed, you will come to understand it and make your peace, you don’t have to do it all right now. I hope you try to shift your focus away from what’s got you upset. You seem like a great person and people will miss your smile today if your not wearing it.

Easier with less talk is;
Hey, I hope your day gets better the way you feel right now will change, try not to let it ruin your whole day.

Why don’t you try to pull yourself together and change your focus, it isn’t doing you any good to dwell on what’s troubling you. Try and think of something that makes you happy.

We can stay hurt or upset as long we like. It is far better to assess whether or not we can affect or change what is bothering us or not. If we have no power or control over it all we can do is allow it to happen the way it is supposed to.
Best advice I ever got.
1. Get out of the problem and get into the solution.
2. Just do the next right thing that is in front of you
3. If I’m not the problem there is no solution
3. Is the simpler than it sounds
The problem although it may be an external situation, the real problem resides in our ability to cope, understand, or accept something.
Usually when something goes against our will, what we want, or think we need, and our inability to accept it.

If you or someone you know is in a struggle I suggest questioning it for yourselves
What am I to learn from this?”
Am I out of balance, have I put to much importance on someone or something?
Have I made myself dependent or am I obsessing over?
Disorder or unbalance can cause spiritual illness and sadness, we can want or need things too much, seek balance

Let go and let God Thy Will not mine be done
Happy is the only way to be, why bother with anything else, Jason

Change Your Programing

It pays off to filter out certain content!
I had a mentor tell me “Garbage in garbage out!” He went on to say that I needed to be careful what I put in my mind, through what I watch and listen to.

We’re inundated daily with news, television, and people which can hit us with a constant barrage of doom & gloom, negativity and disfunction if we allow it.

Think about it you watch a sad movie you find yourself sad, listen to fast tempo music and you may find yourself nervous. If someone is always telling you the woes of the world or there always complaining or depressed it may impact your emotions, thoughts, or set the tone for your day. If somebody makes you angry how long can it last? Who else will be affected or deprived of your true self?

We cannot eliminate or completely control all of the information and situations that come to us.

Here’s what we can do;
We can recognize what’s being presented and cultivate change or navigate away from the things or people who negatively impact us.

Another wise person told me “we’re called to love everyone, we don’t have to like them or engage in long fellowship with them, just love them.”

We don’t have to stay in the fog, muck, and mire with the toads, snakes and rats. We can seek higher ground and we might even be able to help others find their way out of the swamp.

Identify the people and sources of quicksand in your life and try not to go in it.

A kindred spirit blogged great stuff yesterday which inspired this.
Here’s hers
http://pandorasaltereg0.wordpress.com/2014/10/29/f%e2%80%a2l%e2%80%a2y-first-love-yourself-spread-those-wings-wide-guys-and-girls-x/

YOU’RE AWESOME

Believe it or not that’s an understatement. If you don’t see it maybe you haven’t been told for a while.

It’s true you’re awesome!

You need to tell yourself so you can hear it!       I’m Awesome!

If you didn’t feel awesome say it again, and this time own it.

I’M AWESOME!!!

You should have felt that and it feels good. That is something small to say  and it’s important for you to understand how true it is.

You are one of a kind. Created for a unique purpose. You are the only one that can bring what you have to offer.

Your intellect, wit, looks, laugh, charm, mannerisms, passion, focus, ability, experience, wisdom, insight, caring, thoughtfulness,compassion,  and so on.

AWESOME YOU!

Believe that you are wonderfully made and unique. I do.  I know it’s true.

Always talk nice to yourself. Try not to make negative comments when you make mistakes or something breaks.

Allow yourelf to be human. It is your imperfections which make “THE PERFECT YOU.”

If you really want to drive this home and make it an active part of your life, make a list of your best qualities, then read them aloud to yourself while you look in a mirror. Sounds goofy, but it really isn’t. Sometimes we need convincing and nobody else is doing it because they’re to busy with themselves.

If you do that, take it to the next level and make sure to tell everyone you can, as you encounter them, that they’re awesome and how incedible or amazing you think they are or what they do is and maybe even tell them why.

DON’T just say it! Wait for it to be real and genuine.  You have to mean it or it comes off like sarcasm or BS. They need to believe it too!

Keep doing what you’re doing, strive to be better, and help me make the world a better place one smile at a time.

You are awesome!!!

Jason

 

 

VICTORY

Taking your life and make it a living testimony to others.

Your story is unique to you, but there’s likely others that can identify with the events of your life.

If you’ve gone through the dark woods, climbed the mountain, swam the rapids, and weathered the storm, you have the gift of experience.

You’ve been there you’ve done that, maybe you wrote a book (LOL)

The question is, was it all for nothing?
Absolutely not, you can help where perhaps no one else can.

You can show someone else the way, how you were victorious, how did you go on living a happy life.

Veteran?
Wounded veteran?
Cancer survivor?
Abused?
Molested?
Raped?
Death of parents?
children?
spouse?
Recovered Alcoholic?
Sex, drug addict?
gambler?
Amputee?
Paraplegic?
Impaired?
Add infitum

What’s your experience, where have you found strength, and what is your hope?

Now where can you carry your message of hope, and also receive hope and healing telling your story and from listening to others.

There are many groups which are free to attend that would greatly benefit by your participation.
Pick the difficulty you’ve overcome and search out a support group, or create it.
There’s only one you, and nobody will ever no your experience unless you share it, let it not be in vein but in victory.
Healing’s in helping, Jason

Victim or Victorious

The Short version;

It is the events and experiences of our lives and how we handle them that develop our character for better or worse.

They also may significantly impact our present and hinder, cause us prejudice in our future, and even harm still others.

Nearly all of us have some tragic event, hurt, hardship, or pang which was directly caused by the action or our perception of the action of others. Where we felt “victimized”

Perception, understanding, and acceptance hold the key of protection from continued harm and healing.

These are some brief talks, paraphrasing, and a quote that have been passed on to me, which have changed my life.

If someone has hurt us or made us angry and we hang on to it, we can waste countless hours, that might have been better spent, thinking about that person rehashing (reharming) the events or situations in our head over and over again. (Victim)

What this does is it allows that person to rent free space in our head. We may often think of someone or event that we can’t understand or accept and it can make us mentally or spiritually ill, we may even be consumed by rage or hatred.

On the contrary, have we ever harmed anyone inadvertently, perhaps by some decision we made based on (self) what we wanted or didn’t want, which negatively impacted another? Possibly even helpless or thoughtless actions caused by mental health issues, alcoholism, substance abuse. (Years of inabbility to change or helplessness)

Examples;

Leaving a spouse for whatever reason and children are harmed.

Being consumed by our own hurt and pain to the point that we’ve erected barriers depriving others of being close to us, thinking primarily of ourselves. (Victim).

Most people make decisions based on self. They are not thinking of others, yet sometimes we are affected. Like the person in a hurry in traffic they’re trying to get somewhere in a hurry, you may get cut off, honked at, flipped the bird, it really isn’t about you, they’re only thinking of their commute not yours, but you are affected.

Here’s the twist;

“We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.”

from; Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 66-67

The victory is in overcoming those difficulties and helping others not to get caught up in the things that are done. They are truly in the past the only thing left is sorting the files, taking an honest inventory of ourselves, cleaning up the wreckage of our past, letting go and moving toward our future “rain or shine” yesterday’s history today’s a gift and tomorrow’s a mystery.

This  prayer said daily changed my life

“God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”

 Pg. 63 AA

This is an enormous subject if you’d like to know more or get reference material that may help you sort things out for yourself, please feel free to e-mail me at byersje@embarqmail.com

 

Worth and Worry

I don’t believe money and possession is the definition of our worth.

A wealthy person might say poor people who don’t have much often say that.
I had to pause for a second at how true both statements are.

I know worth is measured by others and by ones self, self worth is the most important, if we had everything and had loved and lost, we would give it all away to have our love back. If we were mortally wounded, deathly ill, or maimed what wouldn’t we give for good health.

King Solomon had immense wealth and said it was like sand sifting through his fingers.

If we live paycheck to paycheck, the mail box is full of final notices and the phone rings off the wall with calls from debt collectors, do we worry?

Worrying is futile, absolutely nothing good results from it.
Worry is fear of the “what if’s” and eminent consequence. It cannot change the outcome for the better it can only stress you out and steal your peace. It only makes it more dreadful and eventually affects your health.

A rule I’ve had since I was 20;
If there’s nothing I can do, I’m not going to worry about it.
The fact is we can put nearly all of our problems down and step away from the pile.
It’ll still be there when and if we get back to it.
The hard question is:
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!
The easy question is:
What can I do?
I find when I do what I can (everything I can)
that really is all I can do, and in my limited experience it has always worked out.
Sure we may lose service, a vehicle., a house, but that would happen regardless of the amount of worry.
If you’ve ever experienced any of these things, you know that when certain things go, so does the burden of the payment and the worry.
So pay the electric and water first whichever has the higher reconnect fee, get out the ramen noodles and hot dogs, and keep doing as much as you can. Pray, a lot, live right, and support (not blame) anyone you love that’s going through it with you.

Don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
Say, “I’m doing my best, I constantly try to do better, and this to shall pass!”

Stay out of the problem by staying in the solution!
The secret to life is keep living!

One who has everything is not likely to appreciate much, and one doesn’t have much is likely to appreciate everything

Fast Fix From Your Inner Child

This is a great tool for turning things around, if you are feeling down.

When we we’re kids things were simple. Now that we’ve grown up everything is insanely complicated. We can’t help but get run over by the things in our lives sometimes, hell, sometimes our lives back up and park on top of us.

The temporary “Fast Fix”

Think back to when you were little, think of your favorite things, sounds, places you went, and what really used to light you up inside.

I’ve used this method many times but I thought of sharing this today because where the concept came from, occured as I was demolishing a wall. It wasn’t coming out easy and I was tinking this sucks. Then off in the distance I heard a train horn and the sounds of a train. It immediately changed my mood, I LOVE TRAINS! when I was a kid I’d freak out everytime I saw one, I’m sure I drove everybody nuts because they’re everywhere where I’m from.

That’s one of mine here’s a quick list of some others:

Smells, sights, and places of yesteryear- Cotton candy the stand becomming a sticky mess, Eating sweetcorn at the fair, the fair, going to the candy store with my Grandpa Fleener (that’s a great one) fishing in the catfish pond, exploring, and countless others

There’s also fragrances people we love that have gone used to wear, soaps, detergents and cleaning products that bring a tangible presence.

Additionally, songs/sounds from when you were little, I play “I’d like to teach the world to sing” sometimes to time travel back to the 70’s or Gordon Lightfoot

I even put  “The Hugo Montenegro Orchestra” (Composer of The Good The Bad and The Ugly and Pink Panther) in on Pandora and it plays movie soundtracks. I can invision places in the films and in my life.

Youtube is good as well for old shows and cartoons

Make your own mental list and use it you’ll be amazed by the results!  Try what works for you find other methods, search yourself and go to a happier place and time

Good things to you, Jason

It’s Not All Rainbows and Sunshine!

Even I would want to puke if I thought for a second every minute of my life was exactly like my blog or post!

It’s an idea, a simple concept or thought to kick start my day, to encourage others, and put my brain in the right gear or change gears if you will.

I have had a extraordinarily difficult life (to me) as I’m sure many of you have in your own way. I’ve experienced divorce from both perspectives, being a misfit, close death, repeated failure, poverty, alcoholism, substance abuse, and mental illness.

There have been and sometimes still are days when it is all I can do to get out of bed and I drag myself heavy through the day trying to force feed myself happy thoughts and inspiration (trying to turn it around) some times it works others it doesn’t.

I also have been told I’m mean, and admittedly, I can be ornery and down right mean at times.

I still really don’t have a good filter. If it pops in my mind chances are it will come out of my mouth.

I do not think that I know better than anyone, I do think I know better than I used to and am amazed by some of what I’ve learned and do my best to practice those things. That’s what I present here thoughts and ideas that might help you or someone you know figure things out for themselves or adjust thinking and behavior patterns to obtain a better life and possibly prevent the loss or waste of any more time.

In conclusion, I’m human, and far from perfect just ask my wife Maribel, she knows.

I strive to improve, live better, love more, appreciate everyone, and everything on a daily basis

Live fully life is short, Jason

Being of Good Character

How to develop into who you really are, be your best, and exemplify true character

Be true to yourself

Be of genuine character,

Be completely honest- In all things, no lies, half truths or selective omissions of information

Constantly think of others- Place the needs of others before your own

Have integrity- Do what you say, and say what you mean

The remaining content is material I didn’t write but discovered in my search to be better, it goes with this line of thinking, has value, and I found it very interesting, especially in this day and age. There’s a site at the bottom where this and more may be found, I think children should be given “character classes” as part of their curriculum. I used this as part of a self evaluation and improvement study I’m doing on my own, enjoy your day and I hope you get the most out of your life, Jason

Trustworthiness

Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat, or steal • Be reliable — do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal — stand by your family, friends, and country

Respect

Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule • Be tolerant and accepting of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults, and disagreements

Responsibility

Do what you are supposed to do • Plan ahead • Persevere: keep on trying! • Always do your best • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act — consider the consequences • Be accountable for your words, actions, and attitudes • Set a good example for others

Fairness

Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open-minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly • Treat all people fairly

Caring

Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need

Citizenship

Do your share to make community better • Cooperate • Get involved in community affairs • Stay informed; vote • Be a good neighbor • Obey laws and rules • Respect authority • Protect the environment • Volunteer

– See more at: http://charactercounts.org/sixpillars.html#sthash.Hr7yZqFv.dpuf

 

 

PERSPECTIVE OF A RECOVERED ALCOHOLIC

Changing my thinking and my understanding of active alcoholism in retrospect

This may help you understand someone who is or was alcoholic in your life, or if you’re like me you’ll know you’re not alone.

Questions I had to ask myself in recovery that I’m sure would benefit even non-alcoholic/addict people.

Am I enjoying my life?

Are the things I’m doing, going to bring me the happiness and fullness of life I want for myself?

Am I in a vicious cycle?

Do I see what I can give in all circumstances or do I think what’s in it for me?

At work, is it about getting paid or the level of service I can provide?

Certain mindsets have a tendency to go with certain lifestyle choices.

In other words if I’m living a counter culture lifestyle abusing drugs or alcohol to the point in which I have to place unreasonable demands on others, it’s going to be a very complex life to manage and will depend on the tolerance of the people I depend on (parents, spouse, friend, employer, etcetera) and my ability to manage an unmanageable lifestyle. The normal cycle for us is that people let us down, fire us, kick us out and disown us. At least that is our perception (in part but we know we have a some part)

What’s normal for us can be very out of control. We live in a constant state of preparedness expecting the worst out of everything and everyone.

We miss things like work, school, anniversaries, birthdays, appointments, and being there for people when they need us, though that is not usually our intention.

We usually say things like “I do what I want when I want” or “who cares” or “whatever”. In an attempt to shrug the blame, guilt or consequence brought about by the expectations of others and from our actions

Truth is we really couldn’t help it, our condition (drunk or high) at the time prevented us from making a good decision or even remembering the event for that matter.

THE FACT IS;

We don’t want anybody pointing the finger of blame at us or to be responsible for hurt feelings because A. We usually don’t understand what happened. B. We’re tired of explaining ourselves all the time. C. It harms us because we don’t want to hurt anyone and we become guilt ridden.

This is much more complex and has many variables, additions and subtractions. Ultimately, addiction or not, any time we reach a “point of change” in our life, we ask ourselves “What do I do now?”

What we all do is change something, usually its spouses, jobs or geography. Sometimes we try to modify habits and personality traits. Regroup, recreate, reinvent     “start over” “clean slate”

None of what was spoken about previously is really what’s causing our problems. The problem is, we put ourselves first in nearly all situations as a defense mechanism we protect our interests.

Some quick relationship examples are;

Parents; seldom do we address what kind of child we were, but we will tell you all about our parents’ faults.

In regard to our relations with the opposite sex, we have a tendency to look at how much they love us or satisfy our appetites.

Work is easy, it’s all about the Benjamin’s (pay) and status.

All of the previously mentioned have to do with our security, emotional, social and economic, and we do things based out of fear. Fear of any of those being affected or threatened as they often are, due to our lifestyle, thinking and overbearing actions.

The irony is, the measures we take, over time usually cause unbalance and eventual destruction of all of these elements.

Two things are certain I am always part of the problem and I’m always part of the solution!

“If I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem”

People obsess, especially if we have a natural desire that is out of balance or threatened.

Example; We seek peace comfort and euphoria, we want to feel good, so we have a couple drinks, some drugs, sex or whatever satisfies our particular need.

I’ve learned in the proper relationship and balance these things used rightly can be good, a drink or two for social occasion or religious ceremony does no harm to the non-alcoholic. A doctor prescribing medication, and it being used as directed is safe for non-addicts, and sexual relations by design marital relations/procreation.

When anything is abused or used to excess it can be very destructive.

I believe what we seek is the euphoria and peace we are designed for which only God can provide.

Laying that aside for a moment, let’s address our thinking.

We project a false front or image (act), and our life is a series of hustles, scams, and manipulations, half truths, omissions, or outright lies. Primarily because we feel the real me is not likeable or cool enough we want to be seen as more or better than we think we are. The fundamental problem with this is, that somewhere down deep we feel inadequate, insecure, not good enough. I’ve heard it said that people with addictions have tremendous egos with a low self esteem

Who here has had the person in their life that always “just ran out of cigarettes” shows up at your house with a 6 pack and drinks a 12 pack? (The mooch) The person who’s got one just like the one you described but theirs is a little better.The one who’s never there when they say they will be and always has a lame excuse.

Have you ever told someone a story that wasn’t true and you could tell by the look on their face, they really didn’t believe you but you “didn’t care?”

We who have lived the lifestyle can spot that stuff from a mile away. They can tell themselves that stuff, but we won’t buy it. Most everybody can tell if someone is not completely honest and most everyone can spot a genuine and true character.

How many people here like hanging around with liars, how about thieves or cheaters? What about just generally negative people who are always a downer?

Exactly, most often all of us have the capacity to exhibit one or all these traits and I know from experience negative actions bring negative reactions.

I’m going to flip the script now and talk about how the change of mind works

Positive stuff Here.

The structure of recovery

Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness

Abandon self, trust in God, Clean house, and work with others

I have done these things and continue to practice the principles of recovery in all of my affairs. If you want to experience fullness of life to the degree I do? Do what I did,

First I stopped drinking and using, I got help by going to 12 step recovery meetings I prayed every day, I asked somebody to be my sponsor that walked the walk, and I followed his suggestions. I continue to work with others.

My prayers in the beginning and the prayers I live today.

Morning- God, please keep me free from a drink or a drug today and guide my thoughts and actions? Night- Thank you God for keeping me free from a drink or a drug today.

Morning- God I abandon myself to Thee build with me and do as Thou will help me to be of maximum service to You and my fellows?

Night- I said I was sorry where I struggled or fell short, thanked God for today.

Morning -God use me as Thou will and please protect me from myself

Night- acknowledge where I fell short and said I’d try to do better with His help, Thanked Him for the day

Today, I say “Good morning God” most days and I am in constant contact with God throughout my day. I get on my knees every night and say prayers for others and finish with I don’t know what’s best, You know best Thy will be done Thank you God.

Guidance Prayers- Please put people in my life to help me stay clean and sober? Please help me be open-minded and willing to do anything to stay clean and sober?
Situations, positions, and things
If it is good for me allow me to have it, if it will do me harm please block it from me?
I pray for knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry it out? Please protect me from myself?

I hope you enjoyed the read, feel free re-post or share this anywhere you think it might help someone else, if you want help comtact me at byersje@embarqmail.com               Jason