Category Archives: recovery

Word Therapy

This is a place that is totally me,
I have set myself completely free,
The blog posts within tell where I’ve been,
Deep feelings flow on a page,
Some veiled, cryptic, or full of rage,
Positive push and good tidings for you,
Healing remedies of thoughts I have used,
Confused emotions that I’ve lived through,
In this space I’m all over the place,
You never know what you might find
The ramblings of my mood a reflection of my mind,
All authentic completely exposed to you,
In this place I can be true,
I put myself out there to help others like me,
To know they’re not alone and that they can be free,
If what you read is not appealing, read a different post you might find it healing
Some of what I write is sad,
I may seem a little mad,
Most of the time I’m very glad,
Take what you can and leave the rest behind what I write won’t cost you a dime
I hope to never waste your time,
Be blessed, that’s my rhyme,
Jason

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Slightly Worn

What do you do when the shine has wore off
the newness is gone
the thing you once possessed so vibrant and full of life
all the perceived expectations and excitement lived
the newness is gone
it has now been loved fully and in this process nearly ruined
as all my favorite things are
loved so much they’re worn  out completely do I love it the same or love it more because all I’ve gotten out of it!
Like the old pair of shoes that finally became comfortable but when it rains they take on water
the hat that fits just right but looks dirty
My comfortable T-shirt and jeans with the holes that I love, but when I wear them I look like a disheveled homeless person
This is not an object I speak of it’s my life
I look to my life and know that all the newness that once was there I rubbed off personally
every mark, blemish, stain, spot , and scar on my life, I have earned and worked very hard for
good and bad creaking, popping parts, scars, and dings are not flaws or fractures but character & beauty all creative parts of the evidence of my existence
The story in a piece of art
I continue to wear it, I proudly put it on everyday
It’s one of a kind
There’s no other like it on earth
Created by The Master Craftsman for a unique purpose
I look at my life and see
laughing and tears
Pain and healing
Struggles and victory
Death and life
Yin and yang
Most of all I have seen the workings of my life and the affect it has had on others and the understanding of greater purpose glad suffering and a penitent heart,
I look forward to the story to come, I’m going to keep sewing the holes and trying to polish the shine back on it, as I cherish the gift I was given.
Jason

The Masters Stroke

The Master artists stroke of the wind
painting with cloud 
highlighting with sunset in a vast array of color, from his unique pallet atop waters edge 
still and clear like a plate glass mirror 
as if to complement the artists work

 

showing a clear copy in itself 

doubling the beauty that has been created
yet my mortal eye catches but a glimpse
the smallest grain of sand a remarkable sculpture itself
the wonders I miss are okay with me, I will cherish the sight as I see. 

The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

Just For Today 

This is one of the practices I engaged in years ago, at the suggestion of a man of whom I have great respect.

I’ve never been able to complete all this list entails in a single day.

The part where it says- I will do a good turn and not be found out and if I get found out it will not count, is one of my favorite things. I was told the reasons why are:

  1. You’ve already received your reward by taking credit for your good deed.
  2. It then becomes an act to make yourself look good rather than a good deed.
  3. It is truly a selfless and thankless deed When done only to benefit someone else if your not found out                        .

This whole card helps you to grow in selflessness and humility and grasp the bigger picture, I would recommend it for anyone. I’m not advertising, this is not my business, and I receive no funds for anything contained in my blog. My only reward is if it helps you or someone you love.

You can purchase this card and many other pieces of great literature through your local area Intergroup just search Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup and your cities name. It’s like a gift store with great recovery items. online at

www.recovery-world.com/RecoveryWalletCards.html

www.walletcards.com/cardlist.html This one has a list of self help, motivational, love, humor and inspirational cards recovery or just because. it’s a great site. i think I’m going to order 1 of each if they’ll let me to see what I can get out of it.

Today I say forget about yourself and think of someone else for a while. It is through self forgetting and helping others that we know peace

Envision 

Sometimes it does me good to envision bright days, fun times, vacations and a wildly prosperous future.
I hear the talk about power of intention. I even see people I love putting stock in it under the guise of positive thinking. I kid around about this sometimes, I said earlier today that I would make my first million this year and said I’m focusing my “power of intention” on earning over 500,000.00 dollars for our annual income this year. (Joking, but hey maybe I’ll believe in it, if my bank account does. LOL) I will put my best foot forward.
I produce concepts and invent things that work, it’s a fun thought for a moment. I thought of my life as a millionaire. I thought wouldn’t it be grand not to be reliant on a job. I’m a simple man, I can’t think of one thing I want. Traveling would be cool. I don’t buy into the “intention” line of thinking but it was fun.
More practically, we also mentioned going to Sea World this summer. I envision the “WOW” in my kids eyes. What a fantastic picture, I’m as excited as Clark Griswold was when he planned his trip to Wally World. So many endless possibilities. Maybe I’m a bit of a dreamer? I think of my future at work and that seems to slowly evolve. People are retiring in groves creating opportunities for change, advancement, and God willing better pay. I used to “black cloud” everything and think of the worse case scenarios. In retrospect, the way my life was going, maybe there was something to that “power of intention” LOL. I do believe we can make things worse or better in accordance with our mindset and attitudes (positive or negative). I’ve seen the difference in the atmosphere and culture of work and social environments I’ve been in and I’m sure you have too. All depending on the dynamic, management style, treatment, chemistry and attitudes of the staff. Simply put “negativity breeds negativity and positive promotes positive. In this too (especially) I envision the positive change my attitude and actions will bring about over time. I have already witnessed great affect just by being courteous, kind, and genuinely appreciative of others and their value. I also see others adopting like mindsets and having a positive affect on their circles. I envision a day when the world can be like it was in the past, where people wave as you pass by (I’m a waiver). Everyone smiles when they see you (I’m a bit smiley) people talk to their neighbors and have gatherings (we do with the positive ones). I hope to see chivalry come back strong, honor, integrity, and common courtesy.

These quotes are off the top of my head. The first just came to me fresh and the other came a little while back as an epiphany, likely inspired by The Holy Spirit

“The better the perspective we maintain, the better the perspective we maintain.

“The quality of life we maintain, is the quality of life we maintain.”

I encourage you to live well, help others, and love everyone, especially yourself because you can change the world one smile at a time. Have a great day, ~ J ~