Educated by Life

“If” we pay attention we learn our right relationship with the universe through our personal experience as it relates. (Mistakes or correct action)In other words over time we learn what works and doesn’t work (we can still choose to do things wrong against what is natural, knowing it doesn’t work, trying to force it because it’s comfortable, or we can practice what is right and uncomfortable until it’s comfortable and natural producing the proper result by righteous action.) 

The many past perceptions which proved to be erroneous over time, were once our present state of mind. Perhaps our thinking in this moment today is incorrect. Possibly, hopefully we have learned from life experience and our judgement is better. The increments of learning are usually small and happen over a long period of time due to ego, obstinance, or  plain stubbornness. When we are young we say “I know” or “I have this under control” (I got this) as to not let anyone flex their intellectual superiority on us (even when we didn’t know). I was fortunate enough at an early age to question everything and listen to what people had to say (l learned a lot right and wrong). In the same breath I can say in many cases I was only as properly informed as the sources of my answers. Always verify your sources and seek as many intelligent people you would emulate as you’re able with the same question (you may get that many different answers and they may all be wrong). If educated by the village idiot we may be in line for the title. Our best answers are given when we’re not asking or talking, unfortunately we usually have to hear them many times before we actually listen. When it comes to real personal experience there’s no better teacher. Test it out! Apply it to your life, does it work? Pain is a great motivator for correction if it hurts enough or brings us discomfort on any level we will normally avoid making the mistake again. I say normally because we will trade large amounts of pain, suffering and unhappiness for fleeting moments of euphoria or bliss. There’s something fundamentally screwed up with most of us. We’ll allow a cycle to continue for years until we decide the trade off is no longer worth the suffering. The point is really far away from most of what I wrote. It is GET TO KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WORLD AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU, take time to access your journey (good and bad/blunders and achievements). 

Simple questions to help but only s start;

Am I happy with my life right now? (Where we’re at in our lives right now is the culmination of our life’s work, if we’re not happy we should change)

Are the things I invest my time, talent, and money going to produce the life I hope for? (A friend told me where I put most of these things into is my God or Master in other words, the most important thing in my life)

Am I a giving person or a taker? (Balance in all relationships is key, I am not the center of the universe)
Is my present path sustainable or am I constantly waiting for something bad to happen? (Sometimes we get caught in a vicious cycle because we don’t want to change or just give up)

There is more than existing, but we have to be living. The events of life are momentary we’re not supposed to relive them over and over. The fact is we cant. We’re supposed to feel, access, learn, accept and move on. If you need help ask for it, seek a psychologist, group therapy, grief counseling or a clinical professional who can help you to find your happy life.

The secret to life is keep living!

Jason Byers

Living Free

Indulgence of the day or methodical existence?

Should I let my my mind run wild and free or tame my thoughts like a house pet, which wouldn’t be me?
I allow my mind to wander when I roam, I will not settle for boredom when I’m alone.
Excitement, daring, and adventure I crave! 
I love it! I live it! If only fired in my imaginations maze. 

I’m satisfied, I feel more alive.

Like mixing a brew, some sort of concoction, a little action, a little, mystery, and a lot of disfunction. 
The twisted word play in my head, thinking of what others have said. 
I act out and you hear the gasp, the tame ones freak out when I’m having a blast.
I embrace my character, I’m genuine every day. 
I couldn’t live like a phony, there’s just no way!

Own who you are and love yourself, never sacrifice who you are for anyone else.

Jason

The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

Can’t Isn’t an Option

Some of the most valuable things I’ve learned in my life are these quotes;

“Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!”

I learned this during intense training, it was drilled in over and over again at moments I was already well past my limits physically and mentally.

Another pearl of wisdom was this quote which goes hand in hand with the other one:

“Keep moving!!! You slow down, you stop, and you die!”

The quote that probably drives me to blog and reach out to others in my day to day life is this:

“No one gets left behind!”

These fundamentals can bring you beyond your limitations; they’ve brought me through more situations in my life than I have time to talk about. I will say; What wouldn’t you be willing to do to survive, not live well or happy, just survive? When your situation means do or die, I suggest do.

Survival points;

I grew up around the tip of Lake Michigan. This is one of the things that made it easy for me to embrace these concepts because they were already part of my life. It gets cold; I’m talking 20 degrees below zero cold with a wind-chill factor of 60 below. If you go outside after a shower you can hear your hair freeze in seconds. This is a great reference because you absolutely have to keep moving “If you slow down, you stop, you freeze to death” “You never leave anyone behind” I was walking home once and it was a little over a mile, but in this kind of cold and wind 100 feet seem like a mile. It had been snowing for days, all of the roads were closed, and snow drifts were 13 feet high. I had walked about 3/4 of the way, and decided i was going to take a short cut across the golf course. I started up the embankment at the side of the road; my feet were plunging into the snow to my upper thigh with every step (about 3 feet). I got a little better than half way up and WOOOOOFFF! I dropped into the drifted snow up to my armpits. The snow was packed in enough that I could barely move. I was in trouble, already near frozen because I thought I was a bad ass and wasn’t dressed properly. I was wearing jeans with sweat pants under them, 2 t-shirts, a flannel, and a thin Harley Davidson, straight collar, Leather jacket without a liner, two pairs of socks and my hiking boots. With no gloves, no hat, and no scarf. I had been warming my hands under my arms, then warming my ears with my hands, and cupping my hands over my nose trying not to get frostbite. I would run this cycle over and over as my freezing hands were also my warming tools that I would constantly have to reheat.

So, here I am, stuck in a snow drift half frozen and I’m gassed. A real “Uh Oh!” moment. All I could move was my arms and I couldn’t reach anything. I had to do something, but couldn’t do anything. “Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!” There was a tree branch about a few feet away, so I began nudging the snow. Little by little I bumped forward, then back, then forward then back. The snow didn’t move much because I fell in the plow line and the top was packed. I rocked to and fro for what seemed like an eternity and finally I got a hold of the branch and dragged myself out. Freezing cold now, the wetness from being stuck in the snow froze my clothes. I continued on walking in 3 feet of snow feeling like I couldn’t take another step, but knowing to stop is to die. If you’ve ever been out in that environment for a while you know that everything aches, your feet hurt, your ears feel like they’re being cut off by the wind. Your hands and nose feel like ice icicles also being cut and burned, it can be brutal! Obviously, I survived, cold weather situations like that would happen. We broke down in a car with my Mom and she had blankets in the back. She hitched a ride with a trucker, because if we would have stayed there we would have froze to death. I think it was my Mom, oldest brother and I. (extreme examples or rant if you will)

The point is, no matter what obstacles or challenges we face in life we must push on. What matters is our survival. We then have an opportunity to make better choices, be more prepared (keep blankets in the trunk, dress warmer, steak a sign in the ground that says thin ice or crevasse). Over time and through life experience we learn not only to survive but to thrive. We can warn or help others be aware or overcome obstacles or dangers. Look at the Eskimos, look at people who have lost love and learned to love again, or people who were once in a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, that hated life itself, now love it and are filled with joy. I’m one of these people and you CAN be too.

Take these quotes and add them to your arsenal and when all else fails just keep going!

“Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!”

“Keep moving!!! You slow down, you stop, and you die!”

“No one gets left behind!”

“I can”

“i’m willing”

Love everyone, including yourself, you’re incredible, ~ J ~

“I Need a New Life!”

Someone said this the other day. I understand how someone can get to this point. I even understand why someone would settle into a life they no longer enjoy. (The lives of innocent children or fear of the unknown and emotional or economic security.) If you’re at the point that you say “I need a new life!” I offer this;
Every second is life anew! What makes it different is our actions. I would encourage you above all else not to settle. If your life is affected negatively by others (husband/wife) or things are just not right. They will stay that way or likely get worse unless loving action is taken. If you don’t like what you have fight for what you had, or something new and better. The elephant in the room won’t be ignored, communicate. It doesn’t have to be all at once, a simple start can be made with a desire for positive change. Referring to a fond memory saying “Remember that time we_________ we were so in love, I want to feel like that again. Together, I think we can do anything, we can be like that again if we try.” Then work toward that ideal (maybe a couples retreat, marriage counseling. Date night, a vacation, something, anything, just don’t give up). Above all else approaching it as a desire to remain with, and appreciation for the relationship is key, it takes two to make a relationship what it is, you mostly get what you give.

If it’s your job carefully or prayerfully consider change. Take steps, put out a resume, seek opportunities online, or even go back to school.
If you don’t have a marriage or children there’s not as many factors involved in changing your life. They can be small changes or big ones. These are some potential changes for all
Routines, hangouts, diets, exercise, habits, lifestyle, haircut, wardrobe, paint rooms, clean, or declutter. Look into self help, group therapy, get a life coach. If your on medication talk to your doctor and be especially careful if your change will affect the lives of others.
The bottom line is don’t just settle for being unhappy, change yourself, that is the one thing we can do.

What I do, and suggest for everyone is praying for direction and Gods Will to be done in all things. Then understanding or acceptance of whatever troubles me.

Hang on to your happily ever after. You can still find it or work toward it.
Love everyone, especially yourself, you’re an awesome creation worthy of love and appreciation, ~ J ~

The Challenge

This title popped into my head this morning after thinking about the first two days of my new year. Yesterday we had no hot water until I replaced the heating elements in the water heater. Today people are installing a new roof on my house. My first thought was “I hope this is not the theme for the new year, everyday something new!” I laughed it off while being slightly unsettled. As I continued, there it was “The Challenge!” Life is a challenge! Nearly everyday, I believe there’s at least one thing if not multiple things that challenge all of us. Many people live with challenges. A while back I was heading into Sunday Holy Mass. My family and I were walking passed a gentleman who was faced with an extreme every second challenge. He has been without the use of his legs for a long time and is confined to a wheelchair. Before I continue allow me to clarify my position, it is of appreciation, respect and admiration not pity. I witnessed him struggle as he went through “getting out of his car”. I write it like that because it was quite a process. I could see clearly he was involved in a struggle, so I asked him if he minded if I helped. He said, “thank you, I’d appreciate it”. I sent my family ahead and helped him make the transition from his car to the wheelchair. The seat was covered with duct tape (he said it made it easier to slide) He had wrestled his wheel chair out of the passenger side of the car as he sat twisted in the front seat. (This is what grabbed my attention in the first place). He instructed me on how to assemble the parts as he handed them out to me and told me to lock the wheels. He then took a board he used to make a bridge/slide enabling him to transition from the car to the chair. He slid across struggling to keep his pants on as he went, I stood in the opening bracing his chair as I shielded his dignity from any onlookers. Once aboard his chair he pulled his pants back up and tossed the board in the car. I said to him, I wasn’t sure if he wanted my help or not, because he always seemed so self-sufficient. He responded “it used to be easier but now I have arthritis and don’t have the strength I used to. “The Challenge” mine thus far has not been so difficult comparatively. This is a true story., I have great respect for this man he drove himself their using hand controls in his car. God only knows what he endured already that morning (things we take for granted) all to attend Mass. Today I meet it head on, I get to play auto mechanic today, changing an alternator. I thank God that I have all the necessary abilities for the challenges I face.
Enjoy the challenge, bring all you have and conquer your day, ~ J ~

Resolve

It’s brand new!
2015 it’s time to do your thing!
I don’t know about you, but I kind of felt like I was in a holding pattern all of 2014. I lived a pretty much reactive lifestyle. Of course, I was positive and tried my best to encourage others to live in that state of mind, but I was primarily reactive to all the situations of life in my daily existence. This year will be different instead of resolution I will be resolved. Everything that is part of my life, I will meet with passion and zeal, if not full on desperation. This is the year that “I’m all in”. I will keep my positive attitude and apply it with a hunger for life. The things I study, I will want to know through and through. I will shred the information and not only do the work! I will seek to find all that is hidden between the lines. Whatever I do, I will be passionate about. I will bring a level of passion and desperation as if I am saving someone’s life! I will be saving my own, turning again from “existing” to “LIVING”. I am going to press forward starting today and seek even more constant improvement and development (Mental, Spiritual, & Physical). In all this I will strive to have balance being very careful not to obsess while I seek perfect practice of living fully.
May 2015 bring you health, love, prosperity, zeal, and kindness, ~ J ~

I’m Keeping The Strife out of My Life

That’s it! If I have a problem, I HAVE A PROBLEM! “Keeping it real” if my focus is contaminated or disruptive to my life as it happens, I know I need to address it, and then adjust my thinking. My serenity is directly proportionate to my spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. If I focus on the wondrous, life will be wonderful!
You are a incredible creation, what you have, I do not, there’s something very unique and special about you. If you have not discovered it, search yourself, you may not discover it, but it is there. Embrace and love everything that is you. Where we feel we are defective is often our best gift. It gives us the power of witness, our experience is similar to that of a great explorer. We can show others how we have made our way in this life. You were destined for greatness even though it may feel like mediocrity.
Be well, live, and love all, including yourself, ~ J ~

Independence or In dependence

 

I rebelled and struck out on my own as early as I was unable. I wanted to be my own man, I felt alone like it was me against the world and that nobody truly cared about me. I didn’t realize until years later how wrong I was. I see today by forcing my independence and not allowing anyone to get close to me out of fear of being hurt or letting them down is what lead to my isolation. I told my Wife before I married her “That I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and would not answer to her”. The reason I said that, or so I thought, was to proclaim my independence. In reality I was trying to shrug accountability and responsibility. The two words I just typed struck me funny, because that’s exactly where I was going with this. Allow me to clarify, both words have ability in them and that is it in a nutshell. I drank and when I did, there was no telling what would happen, where I might end up, when or if I’d even come home. So rather than continually having to apologize or justify behavior which was really beyond my control, I created my escape hatch. The irony is that I proclaimed my independence because of my dependence on alcohol. No excuses to be made, no arguments to have, I do what I want! right? Of course, this thinking was as flawed as my drinking. I built walls made of false fronts and bravado, I covered myself with a mask where you could no longer see me. There I was trapped by independence, a prisoner in my own mind

I had all of these preconceived notions about everyone. Hiding inside, I’d think to myself I wonder if you like me or if you think I’m crazy. In nearly the same thought, think that I didn’t care, I don’t need anyone I’m my friend. I’d them assess your flaws and think of what I didn’t like about you in case you didn’t like me so your opinion wouldn’t count. I could then preserve my false pride and superiority while I battled my inferiority. I noticed over time how my scenery changed. The group of people and the establishments I frequented became, let’s say, less sophisticated. Seeking to be accepted yet never wanting to join. I was independent other than the fact that my entire life was dependent on the people around me and how long they’d tolerate the insanity. The very systems and thinking I put in place to maintain my independence finally succeeded and I was independent, in dependence and completely alone, with the exception of God. I talked to Him a lot but wouldn’t hear Him. At that point, when I didn’t understand why my life was like it was, I started to seek answers. I became honest with myself, I opened my mind to new ideas and principles, and most of all I became willing to change. I’m going to play on words because this came to me suddenly and made sense. I realized in any relationship which I am a partner I have to do a part. Also, that the whole world didn’t revolve around me and when I refused to participate it would just pass me by. Again, in order for me to be an active participant in my own life, I had to do my part. I began to tear at my walls. I found that I built the walls a long time ago, when I was a scared child and while in there I couldn’t see everything clearly. My vision was obscured by my perception. Like a plant without the proper son light I didn’t grow much emotionally and stayed a small scared child inside. Once I started to break down the walls and barriers that kept me inside I found they were primarily constructed of bottles of booze, drugs, cemented with lies I told myself to justify my behaviors and the things that brought me pleasure. When I discovered that was what had blocked me all these years, I began to kick and strike at them. I became angry but the walls were amazingly strong and I couldn’t break through on my own. I was dependent upon them to secure my independence. I began to cry out for help, it seemed nobody was listening. When I stopped yelling I could hear a faint voice say just stop drinking, start to do the next right thing that is in front of you. Trust another person who had walls like yours and together we will take them down.

True independence is based on total dependence and reliance upon God. He is the One who created us for a special purpose. We are designed to seek the peace and euphoria only He can provide. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating, pain and all of the things that bring some of us a similar feeling will not suffice, so we need more. We find in time, as you might expect, they stop working and the very thing we use for reliance, independence, and peace becomes our captor.

Break the chains of addiction and the vicious cycle of self will, seek the purpose of your creation, and ask God to help you offer yourself and your life to Him with complete abandon and fulfill your purpose. He will help as long as you’re willing to follow His gentle direction.

Good life to you, Jason

SELF as the Center of the Universe

 

I will speak from my experience, material I have read and principles I continually work. Some of what I say may have a familiar ring if you are in recovery, some you likely have not heard.

I’ll start with a quote and this is a fundamental concept for change.

“It is through self forgetting that we no peace.”

If you can wrap your head around this concept and apply it to your life you will be content.

What it boils down to ultimately is most of our problems are of self. Generally something that we desire, we’re unhappy about, or cannot accept. Some of us are completely self obsessed and don’t really have time to think about anyone else. We force our will in all situations and make minimal if any contribution that does not benefit ouselves.

Some popular sayings

This is my world and everyone else is just living in it!”

“Everything ain’t about you! Because it’s all about me!”

“I’m the center of the universe (my universe)”

(You get the idea)

This post is about honest self appraisal. Look at yourself honestly and either adjust and change or maintain the status quot, that is entirely up to you. This is only a small model for self awareness of a condition of life that can place you in a position of opposition with everyone, including yourself. Conversely, it may provide affirmation of an already giving nature.

I have some basic questions which may or may not help you determine if you want to become more altruistic (freely giving of yourself without expectation of return)

1. Do I spend the majority of my time thinking about my wants and needs?
2. Do I always take into consideration the needs of others before my own?
3. Do I have a problem of self that I obsess over and causes me illness?
4. Do I have any issues which dominate my actions, life and/or my thinking?
5. Does my life take priority over all others that it is connected?
6. Am I a giver or am I a taker?

If I’m always thinking of myself there’s no time for anyone else.

If I continually put myself first others will want me to be last, wait in line, or take turns

If I’m always concerned about myself nobody else needs to be.

I have invariably found that I have made decisions in my life based on self which later placed me in a position to be harmed. I have stepped on the toes of the people around me and they retaliated, seemingly without provocation. I believe that most of my problems arose out of self due to self-will running out of control. so most of my troubles were of my own making or exaggerations of my perception.

I lived a good part of my life like a parasite feeding off of others in nearly every relationship. It was always what I was getting, how I was treated, or my significance (ego, pride, Self)(I never really considered what others were receiving in return)even when I made time to give of myself it was on my terms, at my convenience. When I played with my children I didn’t play what they wanted to play, I played what I thought would be fun. At work I always had to be a front runner, calling the shots, always threatened by the ambition of others. At home it was the same, I had to have controls on everything (My will be done). In fact as long as I can remember, once I figured out you couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, and that I only had to deal with the consequences, I did whatever I wanted. My brother Scott told me once, after I came to him with concerns about friends and acceptance. He said “Who cares what anyone else thinks, this is your world and everyone else is just living in it” New Years eve one year I was around 16, Scott and I wanted to go to this party. We went upstairs and asked Mom if we could go. Mom said, “No, that’s going to be a drinking party, and besides you’re grounded for 3 months.” Scott and I returned to the basement, he was aggravated and said “I don’t give a shit, I’m going are you going or what?” I said, “we’re grounded” Then Scott unknowingly said something that would change my life. He said, “We are going to be grounded until we turn 18, we can do whatever we want, what are they going to do, ground us?” My poor Mom and Dad, there is 7 of us kids and we were all a bit mischievous. Scott and I went to the party, despite my Mothers direction and didn’t return home until around dinner time the next day. At the party, I was completely wasted long before new year. In fact the only thing I remember clearly, is someone saying “somebodies past out on the bathroom floor” to which I said, “kick em they’ll get up” only to open my eyes and be looking at the base of the toilet.

Once I stopped thinking about myself all the time most of my problems disappeared. By beginning to constantly think of others and how I might be helpful to them, others began to think about me (in a possitive light).

Be well, and enjoy life, put the time in with the people you love, you never know when the last opportunity will be to show them you care, Jason