Category Archives: Self help

Educated by Life

Inspire Blog

“If” we pay attention we learn our right relationship with the universe through our personal experience as it relates. (Mistakes or correct action)In other words over time we learn what works and doesn’t work (we can still choose to do things wrong against what is natural, knowing it doesn’t work, trying to force it because it’s comfortable, or we can practice what is right and uncomfortable until it’s comfortable and natural producing the proper result by righteous action.)

The many past perceptions which proved to be erroneous over time, were once our present state of mind. Perhaps our thinking in this moment today is incorrect. Possibly, hopefully we have learned from life experience and our judgement is better. The increments of learning are usually small and happen over a long period of time due to ego, obstinance, or plain stubbornness. When we are young we say “I know” or “I…

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Educated by Life

“If” we pay attention we learn our right relationship with the universe through our personal experience as it relates. (Mistakes or correct action)In other words over time we learn what works and doesn’t work (we can still choose to do things wrong against what is natural, knowing it doesn’t work, trying to force it because it’s comfortable, or we can practice what is right and uncomfortable until it’s comfortable and natural producing the proper result by righteous action.) 

The many past perceptions which proved to be erroneous over time, were once our present state of mind. Perhaps our thinking in this moment today is incorrect. Possibly, hopefully we have learned from life experience and our judgement is better. The increments of learning are usually small and happen over a long period of time due to ego, obstinance, or  plain stubbornness. When we are young we say “I know” or “I have this under control” (I got this) as to not let anyone flex their intellectual superiority on us (even when we didn’t know). I was fortunate enough at an early age to question everything and listen to what people had to say (l learned a lot right and wrong). In the same breath I can say in many cases I was only as properly informed as the sources of my answers. Always verify your sources and seek as many intelligent people you would emulate as you’re able with the same question (you may get that many different answers and they may all be wrong). If educated by the village idiot we may be in line for the title. Our best answers are given when we’re not asking or talking, unfortunately we usually have to hear them many times before we actually listen. When it comes to real personal experience there’s no better teacher. Test it out! Apply it to your life, does it work? Pain is a great motivator for correction if it hurts enough or brings us discomfort on any level we will normally avoid making the mistake again. I say normally because we will trade large amounts of pain, suffering and unhappiness for fleeting moments of euphoria or bliss. There’s something fundamentally screwed up with most of us. We’ll allow a cycle to continue for years until we decide the trade off is no longer worth the suffering. The point is really far away from most of what I wrote. It is GET TO KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WORLD AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU, take time to access your journey (good and bad/blunders and achievements). 

Simple questions to help but only s start;

Am I happy with my life right now? (Where we’re at in our lives right now is the culmination of our life’s work, if we’re not happy we should change)

Are the things I invest my time, talent, and money going to produce the life I hope for? (A friend told me where I put most of these things into is my God or Master in other words, the most important thing in my life)

Am I a giving person or a taker? (Balance in all relationships is key, I am not the center of the universe)
Is my present path sustainable or am I constantly waiting for something bad to happen? (Sometimes we get caught in a vicious cycle because we don’t want to change or just give up)

There is more than existing, but we have to be living. The events of life are momentary we’re not supposed to relive them over and over. The fact is we cant. We’re supposed to feel, access, learn, accept and move on. If you need help ask for it, seek a psychologist, group therapy, grief counseling or a clinical professional who can help you to find your happy life.

The secret to life is keep living!

Jason Byers

Living Free

Indulgence of the day or methodical existence?

Should I let my my mind run wild and free or tame my thoughts like a house pet, which wouldn’t be me?
I allow my mind to wander when I roam, I will not settle for boredom when I’m alone.
Excitement, daring, and adventure I crave! 
I love it! I live it! If only fired in my imaginations maze. 

I’m satisfied, I feel more alive.

Like mixing a brew, some sort of concoction, a little action, a little, mystery, and a lot of disfunction. 
The twisted word play in my head, thinking of what others have said. 
I act out and you hear the gasp, the tame ones freak out when I’m having a blast.
I embrace my character, I’m genuine every day. 
I couldn’t live like a phony, there’s just no way!

Own who you are and love yourself, never sacrifice who you are for anyone else.

Jason

The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

Can’t Isn’t an Option

Some of the most valuable things I’ve learned in my life are these quotes;

“Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!”

I learned this during intense training, it was drilled in over and over again at moments I was already well past my limits physically and mentally.

Another pearl of wisdom was this quote which goes hand in hand with the other one:

“Keep moving!!! You slow down, you stop, and you die!”

The quote that probably drives me to blog and reach out to others in my day to day life is this:

“No one gets left behind!”

These fundamentals can bring you beyond your limitations; they’ve brought me through more situations in my life than I have time to talk about. I will say; What wouldn’t you be willing to do to survive, not live well or happy, just survive? When your situation means do or die, I suggest do.

Survival points;

I grew up around the tip of Lake Michigan. This is one of the things that made it easy for me to embrace these concepts because they were already part of my life. It gets cold; I’m talking 20 degrees below zero cold with a wind-chill factor of 60 below. If you go outside after a shower you can hear your hair freeze in seconds. This is a great reference because you absolutely have to keep moving “If you slow down, you stop, you freeze to death” “You never leave anyone behind” I was walking home once and it was a little over a mile, but in this kind of cold and wind 100 feet seem like a mile. It had been snowing for days, all of the roads were closed, and snow drifts were 13 feet high. I had walked about 3/4 of the way, and decided i was going to take a short cut across the golf course. I started up the embankment at the side of the road; my feet were plunging into the snow to my upper thigh with every step (about 3 feet). I got a little better than half way up and WOOOOOFFF! I dropped into the drifted snow up to my armpits. The snow was packed in enough that I could barely move. I was in trouble, already near frozen because I thought I was a bad ass and wasn’t dressed properly. I was wearing jeans with sweat pants under them, 2 t-shirts, a flannel, and a thin Harley Davidson, straight collar, Leather jacket without a liner, two pairs of socks and my hiking boots. With no gloves, no hat, and no scarf. I had been warming my hands under my arms, then warming my ears with my hands, and cupping my hands over my nose trying not to get frostbite. I would run this cycle over and over as my freezing hands were also my warming tools that I would constantly have to reheat.

So, here I am, stuck in a snow drift half frozen and I’m gassed. A real “Uh Oh!” moment. All I could move was my arms and I couldn’t reach anything. I had to do something, but couldn’t do anything. “Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!” There was a tree branch about a few feet away, so I began nudging the snow. Little by little I bumped forward, then back, then forward then back. The snow didn’t move much because I fell in the plow line and the top was packed. I rocked to and fro for what seemed like an eternity and finally I got a hold of the branch and dragged myself out. Freezing cold now, the wetness from being stuck in the snow froze my clothes. I continued on walking in 3 feet of snow feeling like I couldn’t take another step, but knowing to stop is to die. If you’ve ever been out in that environment for a while you know that everything aches, your feet hurt, your ears feel like they’re being cut off by the wind. Your hands and nose feel like ice icicles also being cut and burned, it can be brutal! Obviously, I survived, cold weather situations like that would happen. We broke down in a car with my Mom and she had blankets in the back. She hitched a ride with a trucker, because if we would have stayed there we would have froze to death. I think it was my Mom, oldest brother and I. (extreme examples or rant if you will)

The point is, no matter what obstacles or challenges we face in life we must push on. What matters is our survival. We then have an opportunity to make better choices, be more prepared (keep blankets in the trunk, dress warmer, steak a sign in the ground that says thin ice or crevasse). Over time and through life experience we learn not only to survive but to thrive. We can warn or help others be aware or overcome obstacles or dangers. Look at the Eskimos, look at people who have lost love and learned to love again, or people who were once in a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, that hated life itself, now love it and are filled with joy. I’m one of these people and you CAN be too.

Take these quotes and add them to your arsenal and when all else fails just keep going!

“Can’t isn’t an option when you have to!”

“Keep moving!!! You slow down, you stop, and you die!”

“No one gets left behind!”

“I can”

“i’m willing”

Love everyone, including yourself, you’re incredible, ~ J ~

“I Need a New Life!”

Someone said this the other day. I understand how someone can get to this point. I even understand why someone would settle into a life they no longer enjoy. (The lives of innocent children or fear of the unknown and emotional or economic security.) If you’re at the point that you say “I need a new life!” I offer this;
Every second is life anew! What makes it different is our actions. I would encourage you above all else not to settle. If your life is affected negatively by others (husband/wife) or things are just not right. They will stay that way or likely get worse unless loving action is taken. If you don’t like what you have fight for what you had, or something new and better. The elephant in the room won’t be ignored, communicate. It doesn’t have to be all at once, a simple start can be made with a desire for positive change. Referring to a fond memory saying “Remember that time we_________ we were so in love, I want to feel like that again. Together, I think we can do anything, we can be like that again if we try.” Then work toward that ideal (maybe a couples retreat, marriage counseling. Date night, a vacation, something, anything, just don’t give up). Above all else approaching it as a desire to remain with, and appreciation for the relationship is key, it takes two to make a relationship what it is, you mostly get what you give.

If it’s your job carefully or prayerfully consider change. Take steps, put out a resume, seek opportunities online, or even go back to school.
If you don’t have a marriage or children there’s not as many factors involved in changing your life. They can be small changes or big ones. These are some potential changes for all
Routines, hangouts, diets, exercise, habits, lifestyle, haircut, wardrobe, paint rooms, clean, or declutter. Look into self help, group therapy, get a life coach. If your on medication talk to your doctor and be especially careful if your change will affect the lives of others.
The bottom line is don’t just settle for being unhappy, change yourself, that is the one thing we can do.

What I do, and suggest for everyone is praying for direction and Gods Will to be done in all things. Then understanding or acceptance of whatever troubles me.

Hang on to your happily ever after. You can still find it or work toward it.
Love everyone, especially yourself, you’re an awesome creation worthy of love and appreciation, ~ J ~

The Challenge

This title popped into my head this morning after thinking about the first two days of my new year. Yesterday we had no hot water until I replaced the heating elements in the water heater. Today people are installing a new roof on my house. My first thought was “I hope this is not the theme for the new year, everyday something new!” I laughed it off while being slightly unsettled. As I continued, there it was “The Challenge!” Life is a challenge! Nearly everyday, I believe there’s at least one thing if not multiple things that challenge all of us. Many people live with challenges. A while back I was heading into Sunday Holy Mass. My family and I were walking passed a gentleman who was faced with an extreme every second challenge. He has been without the use of his legs for a long time and is confined to a wheelchair. Before I continue allow me to clarify my position, it is of appreciation, respect and admiration not pity. I witnessed him struggle as he went through “getting out of his car”. I write it like that because it was quite a process. I could see clearly he was involved in a struggle, so I asked him if he minded if I helped. He said, “thank you, I’d appreciate it”. I sent my family ahead and helped him make the transition from his car to the wheelchair. The seat was covered with duct tape (he said it made it easier to slide) He had wrestled his wheel chair out of the passenger side of the car as he sat twisted in the front seat. (This is what grabbed my attention in the first place). He instructed me on how to assemble the parts as he handed them out to me and told me to lock the wheels. He then took a board he used to make a bridge/slide enabling him to transition from the car to the chair. He slid across struggling to keep his pants on as he went, I stood in the opening bracing his chair as I shielded his dignity from any onlookers. Once aboard his chair he pulled his pants back up and tossed the board in the car. I said to him, I wasn’t sure if he wanted my help or not, because he always seemed so self-sufficient. He responded “it used to be easier but now I have arthritis and don’t have the strength I used to. “The Challenge” mine thus far has not been so difficult comparatively. This is a true story., I have great respect for this man he drove himself their using hand controls in his car. God only knows what he endured already that morning (things we take for granted) all to attend Mass. Today I meet it head on, I get to play auto mechanic today, changing an alternator. I thank God that I have all the necessary abilities for the challenges I face.
Enjoy the challenge, bring all you have and conquer your day, ~ J ~