Often times we strive for achievement, goals, aspirations, or dreams.
What happens in us when we don’t arrive where we have placed our aspirations?
My life has had a series of high hopes, dreams, and aspirations even some delusion.
I have a tendency to obsess and completely immerse myself in whatever my current focus is.
Most things I’ve set out to accomplish in my life have been realistic. After passing through the delusion and fantasy of my teenage years and my early 20’s. The reality of having two children and a wife by the age of twenty was helpful.
Still wanting to party like a rockstar. I had new things in my life, like “responsibility” “commitment” and “obligation”, accompanied by the low income struggle to pay the bills, keep babies fed and in diapers.
Ufortunatly, I was better at partying. With the lifestyle I lived, trying to be a father and a husband, I was still very driven and wanted to succeed on all fronts. I started my own business at twenty and had limited success for a time but didn’t understand the tourist based economy we lived in. When the tourist go home the work slows and even stops for some as was my case.
With no work coming in, it was necessary for me to get a regular job with a regular income. This meant the end, or at least postponement of my first dream of being a successful contractor.
I adapted, and started a new method, wherein I sought “on the job training” to learn and hone a variety of skilled crafts and trades of my choosing.
I have always been good at working with my hands and learned things very quickly.
I had a tremendous ego combined with a low self-esteem, and alpha-male personality. (Leo)
I did not play well with others and didn’t take shit from anybody.
This of course made me a difficult employee, combined with partying, aggressive behavior, and mental instability, I changed jobs frequently.
I had charm and charisma which would get me in the door.
I would often lose a job and con my way into a new job the very same day.
I eventually aquired a very wide skill set combined with a great work ethic which was taylored for all the trades associated with water, fire , wind, damage, and mold mitigation and restoration (insurance work)
In this my value in the field seemed to make a reasonable trade off for the difficulty of handling me as an employee because I was able to maintain employment despite my best efforts to lose a job.
My dominant personality and abilities made me a driven foreman. Though I wasn’t very well liked by my crews, I did have their respect because we’d get the job done fast and well.
In this line of work we were always responding to disasters all hours of the day and night. Constantly showing up to save the day and give people their lives and homes back. We’d save property, photo albums, keepsakes, and family airelooms. This gave me a heroic feeling and a sense of accomplishment that I love to this day.
Every job has been a little different and I have produced many solutions and adapted to many different circumstances.
My life has been much the same. Seemingly a series of disasters. Many of which were self created.
I used to have the worst luck and “Murphy’s law” was my guide. I would literally roll with the punches every day.
I would be surprised if something didn’t go horribly wrong in my day. Regardless of the problem, I would move directly to the solution “how do I fix this?” And if I couldn’t see the solution it was the two word solution for everything “Forget it” but the other F word.
To the point, I have aspired and strived for many things in my life and have had limited success. Some of my greatest success has been accepting where I have failed or fallen short.
The key I have found to my continued happiness and peace is by continuing to adapt. In doing so I have become adept in life, I keep going, I get up and never stay on the ground.
I have found there doesn’t have to be defeat.
The victory and achievement is realizing you’ve done what you were capable of doing and that’s enough.
Our measure is not by others or by self.
It is by God alone. It is not our plan but His that matters and in every experience is the opportunity for enlightenment.
Keep going, Jason