Category Archives: Insecurities

Adapt to Be Adept

                

     Often times we strive for achievement, goals, aspirations, or  dreams. 

       What happens in us when we don’t  arrive where we have placed our aspirations?

      My life has had a series of high hopes, dreams, and aspirations even some delusion.

     I have a tendency to obsess  and completely immerse myself in whatever my current focus is.

      Most things I’ve set out to accomplish in my life have been realistic. After passing through the delusion and fantasy of my teenage years and my early 20’s. The reality of having two children and a wife by the age of twenty was helpful.

Still wanting to party like a rockstar. I had new things in my life, like “responsibility” “commitment” and “obligation”, accompanied by the low income struggle to pay the bills, keep babies fed and in diapers.

Ufortunatly, I was better at partying. With the lifestyle I lived, trying to be a father and a husband, I was still very driven and wanted to succeed on all fronts. I started my own business at twenty and had limited success for a time but didn’t understand the tourist based economy we lived in. When the tourist go home the work slows and even stops for some as was my case.

With no work coming in, it was necessary for me to get a regular job with a regular income. This meant the end, or at least postponement of my first dream of being a successful contractor.

I adapted, and started a new method, wherein I sought “on the job training” to learn and hone a variety of skilled crafts and trades of my choosing. 

I have always been good at working with my hands and learned things very quickly.

I had a tremendous ego combined with a low self-esteem, and alpha-male personality. (Leo)

I did not play well with others and didn’t take shit from anybody. 

This of course made me a difficult employee, combined with partying, aggressive behavior, and mental instability, I changed jobs frequently.

I had charm and charisma which would get me in the door. 

I would often lose a job and con my way into a new job the very same day. 

I eventually aquired a very wide skill set combined with a great work ethic which was taylored for all the trades associated with water, fire , wind, damage, and mold mitigation and restoration (insurance work)

In this my value in the field seemed to make a reasonable trade off for the difficulty of handling me as an employee because I was able to maintain employment despite my best efforts to lose a job.

My dominant personality and abilities made me a driven foreman. Though I wasn’t very well liked by my crews, I did have their respect because we’d get the job done fast and well.

In this line of work we were always responding to disasters all hours of the day and night. Constantly showing up to save the day and give people their lives and homes back.  We’d save property, photo albums, keepsakes, and family airelooms. This gave me a heroic feeling and a sense of accomplishment that I love to this day. 

Every job has been a little different  and I have produced many solutions and adapted to many different circumstances. 

My life has been much the same. Seemingly a series of disasters. Many of which were self created.

I used to have the worst luck and “Murphy’s law” was my guide. I would literally roll with the punches every day. 

I would be surprised if something didn’t go horribly wrong in my day. Regardless of  the problem, I would move directly to the solution “how do I fix this?” And if I couldn’t see the solution it was the two word solution for everything “Forget it” but the other F word.

To the point, I have aspired and strived for many things in my life and have had limited success. Some of my greatest success has been accepting where I have failed or fallen short. 

The key I have found to my continued happiness and peace is by continuing to adapt. In doing so I have become adept in life, I keep going, I get up and never stay on the ground.

 I have found there doesn’t have to be defeat.

 The victory and achievement is realizing you’ve done what you were capable of doing and that’s enough.

Our measure is not by others or by self.

 It is by God alone. It is not our plan but His that matters and in every experience is the opportunity for enlightenment.

Keep going, Jason

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Slightly Worn

What do you do when the shine has wore off
the newness is gone
the thing you once possessed so vibrant and full of life
all the perceived expectations and excitement lived
the newness is gone
it has now been loved fully and in this process nearly ruined
as all my favorite things are
loved so much they’re worn  out completely do I love it the same or love it more because all I’ve gotten out of it!
Like the old pair of shoes that finally became comfortable but when it rains they take on water
the hat that fits just right but looks dirty
My comfortable T-shirt and jeans with the holes that I love, but when I wear them I look like a disheveled homeless person
This is not an object I speak of it’s my life
I look to my life and know that all the newness that once was there I rubbed off personally
every mark, blemish, stain, spot , and scar on my life, I have earned and worked very hard for
good and bad creaking, popping parts, scars, and dings are not flaws or fractures but character & beauty all creative parts of the evidence of my existence
The story in a piece of art
I continue to wear it, I proudly put it on everyday
It’s one of a kind
There’s no other like it on earth
Created by The Master Craftsman for a unique purpose
I look at my life and see
laughing and tears
Pain and healing
Struggles and victory
Death and life
Yin and yang
Most of all I have seen the workings of my life and the affect it has had on others and the understanding of greater purpose glad suffering and a penitent heart,
I look forward to the story to come, I’m going to keep sewing the holes and trying to polish the shine back on it, as I cherish the gift I was given.
Jason

Envision 

Sometimes it does me good to envision bright days, fun times, vacations and a wildly prosperous future.
I hear the talk about power of intention. I even see people I love putting stock in it under the guise of positive thinking. I kid around about this sometimes, I said earlier today that I would make my first million this year and said I’m focusing my “power of intention” on earning over 500,000.00 dollars for our annual income this year. (Joking, but hey maybe I’ll believe in it, if my bank account does. LOL) I will put my best foot forward.
I produce concepts and invent things that work, it’s a fun thought for a moment. I thought of my life as a millionaire. I thought wouldn’t it be grand not to be reliant on a job. I’m a simple man, I can’t think of one thing I want. Traveling would be cool. I don’t buy into the “intention” line of thinking but it was fun.
More practically, we also mentioned going to Sea World this summer. I envision the “WOW” in my kids eyes. What a fantastic picture, I’m as excited as Clark Griswold was when he planned his trip to Wally World. So many endless possibilities. Maybe I’m a bit of a dreamer? I think of my future at work and that seems to slowly evolve. People are retiring in groves creating opportunities for change, advancement, and God willing better pay. I used to “black cloud” everything and think of the worse case scenarios. In retrospect, the way my life was going, maybe there was something to that “power of intention” LOL. I do believe we can make things worse or better in accordance with our mindset and attitudes (positive or negative). I’ve seen the difference in the atmosphere and culture of work and social environments I’ve been in and I’m sure you have too. All depending on the dynamic, management style, treatment, chemistry and attitudes of the staff. Simply put “negativity breeds negativity and positive promotes positive. In this too (especially) I envision the positive change my attitude and actions will bring about over time. I have already witnessed great affect just by being courteous, kind, and genuinely appreciative of others and their value. I also see others adopting like mindsets and having a positive affect on their circles. I envision a day when the world can be like it was in the past, where people wave as you pass by (I’m a waiver). Everyone smiles when they see you (I’m a bit smiley) people talk to their neighbors and have gatherings (we do with the positive ones). I hope to see chivalry come back strong, honor, integrity, and common courtesy.

These quotes are off the top of my head. The first just came to me fresh and the other came a little while back as an epiphany, likely inspired by The Holy Spirit

“The better the perspective we maintain, the better the perspective we maintain.

“The quality of life we maintain, is the quality of life we maintain.”

I encourage you to live well, help others, and love everyone, especially yourself because you can change the world one smile at a time. Have a great day, ~ J ~