I love it when I come into contact with real people, that are not afraid to be their true self. Here’s a story of an inquisitive young man. As he walks out into the world he sees seemingly everyone running around frantically everywhere, trying to find a good hiding place. He calls out to one of them why’s everybody hiding? The man replies, we have to hide or the one of the monsters will terrorize us. What monsters he says? Conformity, Judgement, Gossip, and the Politically Correct monster. That doesn’t make much sense because this is all wide open space and there are really no good hiding places. The man says, we just pretend to be something else, like a tree or a car. The young man shakes his head a little and say’s that’s ridiculous, it’s obvious to everyone, that all of you people are pretending to be something your’re not. The man says, well that’s just what we do. Everybody knows it and nobody says anything. Unless someone thinks they don’t have to hide and then we’ll talk about them. OK?, strange?. thanks for clearing that up sir.
It seems most everywhere I go, everybody is hiding, either part or all of themselves behind some sort of concocted persona they’ve made up. Only showing you what they want you to see. Most are constantly worried about the perception of everyone else. How does my house look (outwardly), what kind of car do I drive, what do I do for a living, what does my spouse look or act like, do my children behave well and have acceptable manners, and so on. Meanwhile, most often everything is not as it appears, they may be miserable, in debt up to their eyeballs, having abuse or other scandals behind there golden doors. How many times do we see people who seem to “Have it all” end up in total crisis or dead. Happiness is an inside job it is not external.
I think that sounds like an awful lot of investment on all fronts with no real dividends. Especially considering nobody else really appreciates anyone having more or better of anything. Usually people that talk smack talk smack no matter what. The confines of fitting the norm and being like everyone else is like the stepford wives to me. People rob themselves of there true character and freedom of self expression because of fear. Oh, gasp, you shouldn’t, you can’t, what will people think, what will they say?
They will say what they will say. In fact “People” may take great delight in having something to talk about, especially if they can place themselves above you by assassinating your character or worth.
I say please above all else be true to yourself. Seek what makes you happy, not everyone else. This is your life, this is it, enjoy every possible minute. I avoid people that have it twisted, because it’s all an illusion, King Solomon said all of his vast wealth was like sand falling through his fingers.
When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden (after God told them not to) They realized they were naked and immediately covered themselves. God came into the garden and they hid from Him. God already new what they had done. God said why are you hiding yourselves.
I read many post yesterday and was reminded of my own difficulties. You may read my post and say “I’m insightful” or a “gentle soul”. I don’t attempt to speculate or read any minds, I only know from what comments have been made. It is nice to hear those things, it helps my self esteem. This blog is but a glimpse of who I am I would say the “Bright side”. I began producing this to help people who struggle in their present life and/or suffer similarly. I continue to have social issues, especially at gatherings, or when my behaviors matter most. I read yesterday of people talking about similar struggles and some more difficult. I love to look around and see people whom, not just overcome adversity but thrive and find even more fullness of life than they had prior to their illness or debilitating injury. (AWESOME)
This time of year is especially difficult due to the social and family gatherings. I don’t have full control over my attitudes, moods, actions, or what I say at times. This causes my family and I embarrassment and makes others visibly uncomfortable on occasion. I’m like the fidgety kid that has to sit on his hands to keep from flipping them around and banging, tapping, or knocking. (I used to be)It’s funny, because I just realized that this was probably caused by my suppression of all of the other actions and talking manifesting themselves in that way. Anyway, I find myself nearly every time I go to a gathering saying something or many things or acting out in ways that even I find inappropriate. The problem is stressors and sometimes other people can become a catalyst energizing or exacerbating my nervous or manic condition. I often find myself during these type events constantly trying to check myself (seldom successfully). Usually afterward having a conversation with whoever was my “designated handler” (LOL) about what they thought the perception of others might have been or if I upset anyone. I try not to beat myself up for it anymore. There’s not a lot I can do other than isolate and not interact or try to get someone I know (That knows me) to stay close by and attempt to keep me in check with the occasional shhhh, or nudge. This is not always effective and sometimes raises my defensiveness causing me to lash out justifying my behavior. Thank you to all that have helped me function in these situations and stood by me in anticipation of what I may do or say. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, and also for preparing me beforehand and consoling me in the aftermath For any that might be blessed to have me at their gathering this Christmas season or any other time, I will try to be on my best behavior, please don’t take me to seriously. LOL
Remember if it’s not within your control you really can’t blame yourself.
Try to manage your symptoms and learn to use tools and rely on others to help you be well.
Love yourself, you’re very special, ~ J ~
Life is but a small number of breaths and then it passes from us. I was speaking to my wife the other day and we were talking about something taking 15 years to accomplish. I said; “In 15 years I’ll be 60.” Right then it hit me and I have to admit it was pure shock. I said it again, except this time I exclaimed; IN 15 YEARS I’LL BE 60!!! WHAT HAPPENED? I was just a teenager, what seemed like just the other day. At best my life is likely 1/2 past. So it is. I feel pretty good; I see a lot more gray popping out, but it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. So it isn’t. It isn’t a lot of time, life is short and I see now the more that passes the shorter it seems. I suppose being anesthetized only squandered and slowed my perception of time. That’s not where I intended to go, excuse the rant. Here’s my thought; the seemingly hopeless situations I have passed are beyond my ability to recall. Many of the difficulties and struggles I don’t even remember. Obstacles I thought insurmountable I have overcome or have been removed for me. Things that seem to go on for days, week, months, and even years seem like they passed with hardly a thought. So where I am today is pretty relaxed. I don’t get real excited about too much “drama of life” anymore because I understand that it will pass. Everything will work out according to Gods plan whether I participate or not. As a matter of fact things might even get worse if I try to put my controlling hand in. Sure I could sit back and look at all the possible scenarios and potential outcomes. For what? I’m not going to waste time, the solutions are either apparent or they present themselves over time. I just need to continue doing the next right thing that is right in front of me.
Worry only worries
Doubt only doubts
Their only purpose is fuel for fear. I trust the master plan and it always works out the way it is supposed to the end.
The “Good Life” is the one you have! Live it up! ~ J ~
I rebelled and struck out on my own as early as I was unable. I wanted to be my own man, I felt alone like it was me against the world and that nobody truly cared about me. I didn’t realize until years later how wrong I was. I see today by forcing my independence and not allowing anyone to get close to me out of fear of being hurt or letting them down is what lead to my isolation. I told my Wife before I married her “That I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and would not answer to her”. The reason I said that, or so I thought, was to proclaim my independence. In reality I was trying to shrug accountability and responsibility. The two words I just typed struck me funny, because that’s exactly where I was going with this. Allow me to clarify, both words have ability in them and that is it in a nutshell. I drank and when I did, there was no telling what would happen, where I might end up, when or if I’d even come home. So rather than continually having to apologize or justify behavior which was really beyond my control, I created my escape hatch. The irony is that I proclaimed my independence because of my dependence on alcohol. No excuses to be made, no arguments to have, I do what I want! right? Of course, this thinking was as flawed as my drinking. I built walls made of false fronts and bravado, I covered myself with a mask where you could no longer see me. There I was trapped by independence, a prisoner in my own mind
I had all of these preconceived notions about everyone. Hiding inside, I’d think to myself I wonder if you like me or if you think I’m crazy. In nearly the same thought, think that I didn’t care, I don’t need anyone I’m my friend. I’d them assess your flaws and think of what I didn’t like about you in case you didn’t like me so your opinion wouldn’t count. I could then preserve my false pride and superiority while I battled my inferiority. I noticed over time how my scenery changed. The group of people and the establishments I frequented became, let’s say, less sophisticated. Seeking to be accepted yet never wanting to join. I was independent other than the fact that my entire life was dependent on the people around me and how long they’d tolerate the insanity. The very systems and thinking I put in place to maintain my independence finally succeeded and I was independent, in dependence and completely alone, with the exception of God. I talked to Him a lot but wouldn’t hear Him. At that point, when I didn’t understand why my life was like it was, I started to seek answers. I became honest with myself, I opened my mind to new ideas and principles, and most of all I became willing to change. I’m going to play on words because this came to me suddenly and made sense. I realized in any relationship which I am a partner I have to do a part. Also, that the whole world didn’t revolve around me and when I refused to participate it would just pass me by. Again, in order for me to be an active participant in my own life, I had to do my part. I began to tear at my walls. I found that I built the walls a long time ago, when I was a scared child and while in there I couldn’t see everything clearly. My vision was obscured by my perception. Like a plant without the proper son light I didn’t grow much emotionally and stayed a small scared child inside. Once I started to break down the walls and barriers that kept me inside I found they were primarily constructed of bottles of booze, drugs, cemented with lies I told myself to justify my behaviors and the things that brought me pleasure. When I discovered that was what had blocked me all these years, I began to kick and strike at them. I became angry but the walls were amazingly strong and I couldn’t break through on my own. I was dependent upon them to secure my independence. I began to cry out for help, it seemed nobody was listening. When I stopped yelling I could hear a faint voice say just stop drinking, start to do the next right thing that is in front of you. Trust another person who had walls like yours and together we will take them down.
True independence is based on total dependence and reliance upon God. He is the One who created us for a special purpose. We are designed to seek the peace and euphoria only He can provide. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating, pain and all of the things that bring some of us a similar feeling will not suffice, so we need more. We find in time, as you might expect, they stop working and the very thing we use for reliance, independence, and peace becomes our captor.
Break the chains of addiction and the vicious cycle of self will, seek the purpose of your creation, and ask God to help you offer yourself and your life to Him with complete abandon and fulfill your purpose. He will help as long as you’re willing to follow His gentle direction.
The Short version;
It is the events and experiences of our lives and how we handle them that develop our character for better or worse.
They also may significantly impact our present and hinder, cause us prejudice in our future, and even harm still others.
Nearly all of us have some tragic event, hurt, hardship, or pang which was directly caused by the action or our perception of the action of others. Where we felt “victimized”
Perception, understanding, and acceptance hold the key of protection from continued harm and healing.
These are some brief talks, paraphrasing, and a quote that have been passed on to me, which have changed my life.
If someone has hurt us or made us angry and we hang on to it, we can waste countless hours, that might have been better spent, thinking about that person rehashing (reharming) the events or situations in our head over and over again. (Victim)
What this does is it allows that person to rent free space in our head. We may often think of someone or event that we can’t understand or accept and it can make us mentally or spiritually ill, we may even be consumed by rage or hatred.
On the contrary, have we ever harmed anyone inadvertently, perhaps by some decision we made based on (self) what we wanted or didn’t want, which negatively impacted another? Possibly even helpless or thoughtless actions caused by mental health issues, alcoholism, substance abuse. (Years of inabbility to change or helplessness)
Leaving a spouse for whatever reason and children are harmed.
Being consumed by our own hurt and pain to the point that we’ve erected barriers depriving others of being close to us, thinking primarily of ourselves. (Victim).
Most people make decisions based on self. They are not thinking of others, yet sometimes we are affected. Like the person in a hurry in traffic they’re trying to get somewhere in a hurry, you may get cut off, honked at, flipped the bird, it really isn’t about you, they’re only thinking of their commute not yours, but you are affected.
Here’s the twist;
“We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.”
from; Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 66-67
The victory is in overcoming those difficulties and helping others not to get caught up in the things that are done. They are truly in the past the only thing left is sorting the files, taking an honest inventory of ourselves, cleaning up the wreckage of our past, letting go and moving toward our future “rain or shine” yesterday’s history today’s a gift and tomorrow’s a mystery.
This prayer said daily changed my life
“God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
Pg. 63 AA
This is an enormous subject if you’d like to know more or get reference material that may help you sort things out for yourself, please feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org