Educated by Life

“If” we pay attention we learn our right relationship with the universe through our personal experience as it relates. (Mistakes or correct action)In other words over time we learn what works and doesn’t work (we can still choose to do things wrong against what is natural, knowing it doesn’t work, trying to force it because it’s comfortable, or we can practice what is right and uncomfortable until it’s comfortable and natural producing the proper result by righteous action.) 

The many past perceptions which proved to be erroneous over time, were once our present state of mind. Perhaps our thinking in this moment today is incorrect. Possibly, hopefully we have learned from life experience and our judgement is better. The increments of learning are usually small and happen over a long period of time due to ego, obstinance, or  plain stubbornness. When we are young we say “I know” or “I have this under control” (I got this) as to not let anyone flex their intellectual superiority on us (even when we didn’t know). I was fortunate enough at an early age to question everything and listen to what people had to say (l learned a lot right and wrong). In the same breath I can say in many cases I was only as properly informed as the sources of my answers. Always verify your sources and seek as many intelligent people you would emulate as you’re able with the same question (you may get that many different answers and they may all be wrong). If educated by the village idiot we may be in line for the title. Our best answers are given when we’re not asking or talking, unfortunately we usually have to hear them many times before we actually listen. When it comes to real personal experience there’s no better teacher. Test it out! Apply it to your life, does it work? Pain is a great motivator for correction if it hurts enough or brings us discomfort on any level we will normally avoid making the mistake again. I say normally because we will trade large amounts of pain, suffering and unhappiness for fleeting moments of euphoria or bliss. There’s something fundamentally screwed up with most of us. We’ll allow a cycle to continue for years until we decide the trade off is no longer worth the suffering. The point is really far away from most of what I wrote. It is GET TO KNOW YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WORLD AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU, take time to access your journey (good and bad/blunders and achievements). 

Simple questions to help but only s start;

Am I happy with my life right now? (Where we’re at in our lives right now is the culmination of our life’s work, if we’re not happy we should change)

Are the things I invest my time, talent, and money going to produce the life I hope for? (A friend told me where I put most of these things into is my God or Master in other words, the most important thing in my life)

Am I a giving person or a taker? (Balance in all relationships is key, I am not the center of the universe)
Is my present path sustainable or am I constantly waiting for something bad to happen? (Sometimes we get caught in a vicious cycle because we don’t want to change or just give up)

There is more than existing, but we have to be living. The events of life are momentary we’re not supposed to relive them over and over. The fact is we cant. We’re supposed to feel, access, learn, accept and move on. If you need help ask for it, seek a psychologist, group therapy, grief counseling or a clinical professional who can help you to find your happy life.

The secret to life is keep living!

Jason Byers

Salt In The Cake

Today’s my birthday, my 46th birthday to be exact. I never thought I’d survive past 30, I was a wild one. 

Oh, what my eyes have seen and my heart has felt. 

The change of my thinking as time’s gone forward is profound. I remember the revelations I seamed to have almost annually, about how screwed up my thinking was the year before and the changes I needed to make to better myself. As years poured forward even the annual assessment was questionable, because I’d put yet another year of chaos and bad choices into it. I know today that many of those years and bad choices were due to alcohol & pot. My thinking wasn’t right and I didn’t realize that’s what caused it. The alcohol chemically imbalanced me and the weed made me lethargic (I could care less). I do not miss them, they stole quite a bit of time from me. This year my mind is clear. 10 years I’ve lived sober (really lived). I think of the 22 years of mental fog and misunderstanding I had in that time and don’t regret it. I’ve learned so much, I do wish that I hadn’t negatively impacted the lives of the people I love through divorce, absence, and the insanity of drinking. I understand everything happens for a reason and I was part of the seasoning of who they all are, as much as it is part of who I am. There’s a little salt in the best sweets, a few steps doesn’t account for the journey and many of us stumble. The secret is keep going and pay attention to where you’re heading. Chances are you’ll get there just fine. 

The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

“I Need a New Life!”

Someone said this the other day. I understand how someone can get to this point. I even understand why someone would settle into a life they no longer enjoy. (The lives of innocent children or fear of the unknown and emotional or economic security.) If you’re at the point that you say “I need a new life!” I offer this;
Every second is life anew! What makes it different is our actions. I would encourage you above all else not to settle. If your life is affected negatively by others (husband/wife) or things are just not right. They will stay that way or likely get worse unless loving action is taken. If you don’t like what you have fight for what you had, or something new and better. The elephant in the room won’t be ignored, communicate. It doesn’t have to be all at once, a simple start can be made with a desire for positive change. Referring to a fond memory saying “Remember that time we_________ we were so in love, I want to feel like that again. Together, I think we can do anything, we can be like that again if we try.” Then work toward that ideal (maybe a couples retreat, marriage counseling. Date night, a vacation, something, anything, just don’t give up). Above all else approaching it as a desire to remain with, and appreciation for the relationship is key, it takes two to make a relationship what it is, you mostly get what you give.

If it’s your job carefully or prayerfully consider change. Take steps, put out a resume, seek opportunities online, or even go back to school.
If you don’t have a marriage or children there’s not as many factors involved in changing your life. They can be small changes or big ones. These are some potential changes for all
Routines, hangouts, diets, exercise, habits, lifestyle, haircut, wardrobe, paint rooms, clean, or declutter. Look into self help, group therapy, get a life coach. If your on medication talk to your doctor and be especially careful if your change will affect the lives of others.
The bottom line is don’t just settle for being unhappy, change yourself, that is the one thing we can do.

What I do, and suggest for everyone is praying for direction and Gods Will to be done in all things. Then understanding or acceptance of whatever troubles me.

Hang on to your happily ever after. You can still find it or work toward it.
Love everyone, especially yourself, you’re an awesome creation worthy of love and appreciation, ~ J ~

The Challenge

This title popped into my head this morning after thinking about the first two days of my new year. Yesterday we had no hot water until I replaced the heating elements in the water heater. Today people are installing a new roof on my house. My first thought was “I hope this is not the theme for the new year, everyday something new!” I laughed it off while being slightly unsettled. As I continued, there it was “The Challenge!” Life is a challenge! Nearly everyday, I believe there’s at least one thing if not multiple things that challenge all of us. Many people live with challenges. A while back I was heading into Sunday Holy Mass. My family and I were walking passed a gentleman who was faced with an extreme every second challenge. He has been without the use of his legs for a long time and is confined to a wheelchair. Before I continue allow me to clarify my position, it is of appreciation, respect and admiration not pity. I witnessed him struggle as he went through “getting out of his car”. I write it like that because it was quite a process. I could see clearly he was involved in a struggle, so I asked him if he minded if I helped. He said, “thank you, I’d appreciate it”. I sent my family ahead and helped him make the transition from his car to the wheelchair. The seat was covered with duct tape (he said it made it easier to slide) He had wrestled his wheel chair out of the passenger side of the car as he sat twisted in the front seat. (This is what grabbed my attention in the first place). He instructed me on how to assemble the parts as he handed them out to me and told me to lock the wheels. He then took a board he used to make a bridge/slide enabling him to transition from the car to the chair. He slid across struggling to keep his pants on as he went, I stood in the opening bracing his chair as I shielded his dignity from any onlookers. Once aboard his chair he pulled his pants back up and tossed the board in the car. I said to him, I wasn’t sure if he wanted my help or not, because he always seemed so self-sufficient. He responded “it used to be easier but now I have arthritis and don’t have the strength I used to. “The Challenge” mine thus far has not been so difficult comparatively. This is a true story., I have great respect for this man he drove himself their using hand controls in his car. God only knows what he endured already that morning (things we take for granted) all to attend Mass. Today I meet it head on, I get to play auto mechanic today, changing an alternator. I thank God that I have all the necessary abilities for the challenges I face.
Enjoy the challenge, bring all you have and conquer your day, ~ J ~

Resolve

It’s brand new!
2015 it’s time to do your thing!
I don’t know about you, but I kind of felt like I was in a holding pattern all of 2014. I lived a pretty much reactive lifestyle. Of course, I was positive and tried my best to encourage others to live in that state of mind, but I was primarily reactive to all the situations of life in my daily existence. This year will be different instead of resolution I will be resolved. Everything that is part of my life, I will meet with passion and zeal, if not full on desperation. This is the year that “I’m all in”. I will keep my positive attitude and apply it with a hunger for life. The things I study, I will want to know through and through. I will shred the information and not only do the work! I will seek to find all that is hidden between the lines. Whatever I do, I will be passionate about. I will bring a level of passion and desperation as if I am saving someone’s life! I will be saving my own, turning again from “existing” to “LIVING”. I am going to press forward starting today and seek even more constant improvement and development (Mental, Spiritual, & Physical). In all this I will strive to have balance being very careful not to obsess while I seek perfect practice of living fully.
May 2015 bring you health, love, prosperity, zeal, and kindness, ~ J ~

Why’s Everybody Hiding

I love it when I come into contact with real people, that are not afraid to be their true self. Here’s a story of an inquisitive young man. As he walks out into the world he sees seemingly everyone running around frantically everywhere, trying to find a good hiding place. He calls out to one of them why’s everybody hiding? The man replies, we have to hide or the one of the monsters will terrorize us. What monsters he says? Conformity, Judgement, Gossip, and the Politically Correct monster. That doesn’t make much sense because this is all wide open space and there are really no good hiding places. The man says, we just pretend to be something else, like a tree or a car. The young man shakes his head a little and say’s that’s ridiculous, it’s obvious to everyone, that all of you people are pretending to be something your’re not. The man says, well that’s just what we do. Everybody knows it and nobody says anything. Unless someone thinks they don’t have to hide and then we’ll talk about them. OK?, strange?. thanks for clearing that up sir.

It seems most everywhere I go, everybody is hiding, either part or all of themselves behind some sort of concocted persona they’ve made up. Only showing you what they want you to see. Most are constantly worried about the perception of everyone else. How does my house look (outwardly), what kind of car do I drive, what do I do for a living, what does my spouse look or act like, do my children behave well and have acceptable manners, and so on. Meanwhile, most often everything is not as it appears, they may be miserable, in debt up to their eyeballs, having abuse or other scandals behind there golden doors. How many times do we see people who seem to “Have it all” end up in total crisis or dead. Happiness is an inside job it is not external.

I think that sounds like an awful lot of investment on all fronts with no real dividends. Especially considering nobody else really appreciates anyone having more or better of anything. Usually people that talk smack talk smack no matter what. The confines of fitting the norm and being like everyone else is like the stepford wives to me. People rob themselves of there true character and freedom of self expression because of fear. Oh, gasp, you shouldn’t, you can’t, what will people think, what will they say?

They will say what they will say. In fact “People” may take great delight in having something to talk about, especially if they can place themselves above you by assassinating your character or worth.

I say please above all else be true to yourself. Seek what makes you happy, not everyone else. This is your life, this is it, enjoy every possible minute. I avoid people that have it twisted, because it’s all an illusion, King Solomon said all of his vast wealth was like sand falling through his fingers.

This is a poorly paraphrased story from Genesis that I thought of before writing.

When Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden (after God told them not to) They realized they were naked and immediately covered themselves. God came into the garden and they hid from Him. God already new what they had done. God said why are you hiding yourselves.

They had everything they could want, but there was more to be had.

I am rich beyond measure, and you are also, “if” you have your values correctly placed. Love everyone, including yourself’ ~ J ~

I’m Keeping The Strife out of My Life

That’s it! If I have a problem, I HAVE A PROBLEM! “Keeping it real” if my focus is contaminated or disruptive to my life as it happens, I know I need to address it, and then adjust my thinking. My serenity is directly proportionate to my spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. If I focus on the wondrous, life will be wonderful!
You are a incredible creation, what you have, I do not, there’s something very unique and special about you. If you have not discovered it, search yourself, you may not discover it, but it is there. Embrace and love everything that is you. Where we feel we are defective is often our best gift. It gives us the power of witness, our experience is similar to that of a great explorer. We can show others how we have made our way in this life. You were destined for greatness even though it may feel like mediocrity.
Be well, live, and love all, including yourself, ~ J ~

Magnification & Maintaining Focus

Tomorrow has arrived and has become today. What will I allow it to be?
I guess it all depends on what I magnify and how many times my magnification is. When it comes to problems of life, will I be like a child who looks at an ant and gets frightened by it’s monster like appearance. Will I be like the adult who knows it’s only an ant, knowing if I remove the magnifying glass it becomes tiny and relatively harmless. Similarly when we have an injury, if we focus on it, all the worse it feels. It may begin to throb and ache. Think about the hick-ups and they seem like they’ll never go away. Suddenly we realize they’ve gone without our knowing. Sometimes realizing they’ve gone “HICK-UP!” they come back. So too, can be whatever has our focus and attention. I suggest taking the magnifying glass off of whatever disturbs you and putting it over things which fill you with happiness and contentment. Our problems are seldom as big as they appear. Once they pass they’re often forgotten or even a laughably ridiculous waste of time.
“You’ve got to accentuate the positive! Deliberate the negative, and look out for Mr. in between”

Have a very Merry Christmas to those who celebrate and for everyone else I hope the day is merry for you too!
The gift is in the giving, so give your all everywhere!
~ J ~

Missing Pieces and Broken Parts

I think everyone has some part of their life that’s been broken or missing at one time or for the rest of time. Most have experienced heartbreak, loss of loved ones, injuries, illness, etcetera. How we handle it is what defines the quality of our life. I come from hand me downs and sharing as part of my up bringing. Although, I did get a lot of new things, I don’t think I cared for them any more or any less. The things I’ve loved most in my life I’ve always wore out, broke or completely ruined faster. Long after many of these things useful life was complete, I still cherished them. I remember the trucks with missing wheels, I remember my sister had headless dolls she’d play with and so on. My point is the gauge of the love we receive may be in this proportion and also how much more shouldn’t we continue to love ourselves with our missing pieces and broken parts. Keep playing the game with all you have, as if nothing has changed. You still have great value!
~ J ~