Tag Archives: #alcoholic

Groundhog Day 

Go to sleep another day in vein Tried to drown my sorrows and all that pain

Four drinks in and I didn’t feel the same 

As a matter of fact I couldn’t feel a thing

Something happens at around twelve drinks in

When I’m all alone and feel like I don’t have a friend 

I turn the bottle up again thinking I should do myself in

I get angry and destroy everything around

I drank enough whisky to put an average man down

Why am I here again I say with my head low 

What happened to me I do not know

I don’t understand how it’s all turned to shit

It’s everything, I just don’t get it

Everything is spinning I need to lay down 

This is as good as any this spot on the ground

My head is humming buzzing in my ears

It’s the same thing again, I’ve been doing for years

My nightly prayer was to let it end

So I didn’t have to wake up like Groundhog Day and do it again

Waking in the morning angry at the world

Wife says what’s wrong with you, I say I woke up, what a pearl

I’m sick of this stuff 

She was the one who had it rough

When it hurt bad enough I finally stopped 

I remember praying a lot

I started going to meetings and just didn’t drink 

I started listening to people I didn’t even know 

Because they were sober and I had no place to go

Someone told me I should be proud of myself for being a jerk

It was the culmination of my entire life’s work 

I should be happy and give myself a pat on the back 

He asked if that made me angry, I wanted to give him a smack 

I said yes

He said, that’s because It’s true you’re really a mess

The good news is you never have to feel this way again

All you have to do is change everything my friend

I have to admit I didn’t know what he meant then

He said what are you willing to do to get sober again

I’ll do anything, I want it to be over

Since then I’ve made many less mistakes when I started over

By doing whatever it takes, willingness to change has set me free

I had to trust somebody else so that I could see my drinking wasn’t the problem, the problem was me.

I had a living hell of a life that I created 

I let go and was emancipated 

God will set you free if you trust in him and do the work

Test the theory and see if it’s true begin to pray and it will happen for you, even I stopped being a jerk!
Recovered Alcoholic, Jason

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The Only Way Out is Through

So many years past where I couldn’t or simply wouldn’t process the events, situations or the emotions of my life. I was stuck in a thought process that says “stuff it deep down inside where it can’t hurt you” “pretend like it never happened” “just don’t think about it” and other avoidance or suppression methods, along with good times and anesthetizing any of my pain or hurt feelings.
I found it didn’t and doesn’t work. I realized about 9 years ago that I wasn’t really ignoring that stuff successfully or glancing over issues, I was collecting them. I tucked feelings away, where I attempted to keep them under wraps. I’d get the occasional hurt out and caress the melancholy memory as wallowed in self-pity. Never taking time to try and put things in perspective or come to an understanding or make peace. Just to play the role of the victim (poor me) and feed my memories fierce resentment even building them into even more than they were. The little box of hurt inside packaged with a bow. (Box of excuses) That’s what my lack of understanding and my seeming inability to deal with life on life’s terms really was. a box of excuses. Sounds harsh, I know, the reality is, I didn’t understand, I didn’t want to feel anything, but really didn’t understand not feeling, really wasn’t an option. Over time those suppressed feelings stack up and reach overflowing proportion and can no longer be contained. For me these problems would compound current events, if I had something upsetting or some stressful situation of life my coping mechanism would already be overloaded, making things worse. Additionally, pent up emotion would fill me with resentment, which would manifest in the form of anger, depression, anxiety, or aggressive behavior. I masked and stuffed things until I hit the point of crisis in my life. I began to seek council and tried half heartedly to sort things out. I only did so, in attempt to fix the present situation I was in. I gave up and started to anesthetize again, until the unthinkable happened. My son Jordan suddenly died (he was 14). Time stopped, everything changed, I was crushed, and my world was forever changed. There’s no stuffing that. Already near crisis, the box over flows. This is what I think people often do.
I tried to stuff it back in, and for short intervals I managed. Invariably, things that need to be felt get felt. In the light of the terror and depth of that pain, all the previous pangs became somewhat trivial. Regardless, my issues required my attention and some real work. Issues that were to big for me all of my life, were still to big for me to sort out alone. If you have struggled similarly for way too long, I suggest you seek counsel to help you through. Whether it be professional counseling, group therapy, a recovery program doesn’t matter. If you get help, you can get through. You will know a peace, happiness, and contentment you never thought possible. I started by surrender. When I couldn’t go on, I asked God to help me and gave Him back the life He gave me, to do with whatever He wanted. “Just please help me?” Were my words. My life is incredible today, God Is Great!

Just For Today 

This is one of the practices I engaged in years ago, at the suggestion of a man of whom I have great respect.

I’ve never been able to complete all this list entails in a single day.

The part where it says- I will do a good turn and not be found out and if I get found out it will not count, is one of my favorite things. I was told the reasons why are:

  1. You’ve already received your reward by taking credit for your good deed.
  2. It then becomes an act to make yourself look good rather than a good deed.
  3. It is truly a selfless and thankless deed When done only to benefit someone else if your not found out                        .

This whole card helps you to grow in selflessness and humility and grasp the bigger picture, I would recommend it for anyone. I’m not advertising, this is not my business, and I receive no funds for anything contained in my blog. My only reward is if it helps you or someone you love.

You can purchase this card and many other pieces of great literature through your local area Intergroup just search Alcoholics Anonymous Intergroup and your cities name. It’s like a gift store with great recovery items. online at

www.recovery-world.com/RecoveryWalletCards.html

www.walletcards.com/cardlist.html This one has a list of self help, motivational, love, humor and inspirational cards recovery or just because. it’s a great site. i think I’m going to order 1 of each if they’ll let me to see what I can get out of it.

Today I say forget about yourself and think of someone else for a while. It is through self forgetting and helping others that we know peace

Envision 

Sometimes it does me good to envision bright days, fun times, vacations and a wildly prosperous future.
I hear the talk about power of intention. I even see people I love putting stock in it under the guise of positive thinking. I kid around about this sometimes, I said earlier today that I would make my first million this year and said I’m focusing my “power of intention” on earning over 500,000.00 dollars for our annual income this year. (Joking, but hey maybe I’ll believe in it, if my bank account does. LOL) I will put my best foot forward.
I produce concepts and invent things that work, it’s a fun thought for a moment. I thought of my life as a millionaire. I thought wouldn’t it be grand not to be reliant on a job. I’m a simple man, I can’t think of one thing I want. Traveling would be cool. I don’t buy into the “intention” line of thinking but it was fun.
More practically, we also mentioned going to Sea World this summer. I envision the “WOW” in my kids eyes. What a fantastic picture, I’m as excited as Clark Griswold was when he planned his trip to Wally World. So many endless possibilities. Maybe I’m a bit of a dreamer? I think of my future at work and that seems to slowly evolve. People are retiring in groves creating opportunities for change, advancement, and God willing better pay. I used to “black cloud” everything and think of the worse case scenarios. In retrospect, the way my life was going, maybe there was something to that “power of intention” LOL. I do believe we can make things worse or better in accordance with our mindset and attitudes (positive or negative). I’ve seen the difference in the atmosphere and culture of work and social environments I’ve been in and I’m sure you have too. All depending on the dynamic, management style, treatment, chemistry and attitudes of the staff. Simply put “negativity breeds negativity and positive promotes positive. In this too (especially) I envision the positive change my attitude and actions will bring about over time. I have already witnessed great affect just by being courteous, kind, and genuinely appreciative of others and their value. I also see others adopting like mindsets and having a positive affect on their circles. I envision a day when the world can be like it was in the past, where people wave as you pass by (I’m a waiver). Everyone smiles when they see you (I’m a bit smiley) people talk to their neighbors and have gatherings (we do with the positive ones). I hope to see chivalry come back strong, honor, integrity, and common courtesy.

These quotes are off the top of my head. The first just came to me fresh and the other came a little while back as an epiphany, likely inspired by The Holy Spirit

“The better the perspective we maintain, the better the perspective we maintain.

“The quality of life we maintain, is the quality of life we maintain.”

I encourage you to live well, help others, and love everyone, especially yourself because you can change the world one smile at a time. Have a great day, ~ J ~