The Short version;
It is the events and experiences of our lives and how we handle them that develop our character for better or worse.
They also may significantly impact our present and hinder, cause us prejudice in our future, and even harm still others.
Nearly all of us have some tragic event, hurt, hardship, or pang which was directly caused by the action or our perception of the action of others. Where we felt “victimized”
Perception, understanding, and acceptance hold the key of protection from continued harm and healing.
These are some brief talks, paraphrasing, and a quote that have been passed on to me, which have changed my life.
If someone has hurt us or made us angry and we hang on to it, we can waste countless hours, that might have been better spent, thinking about that person rehashing (reharming) the events or situations in our head over and over again. (Victim)
What this does is it allows that person to rent free space in our head. We may often think of someone or event that we can’t understand or accept and it can make us mentally or spiritually ill, we may even be consumed by rage or hatred.
On the contrary, have we ever harmed anyone inadvertently, perhaps by some decision we made based on (self) what we wanted or didn’t want, which negatively impacted another? Possibly even helpless or thoughtless actions caused by mental health issues, alcoholism, substance abuse. (Years of inabbility to change or helplessness)
Leaving a spouse for whatever reason and children are harmed.
Being consumed by our own hurt and pain to the point that we’ve erected barriers depriving others of being close to us, thinking primarily of ourselves. (Victim).
Most people make decisions based on self. They are not thinking of others, yet sometimes we are affected. Like the person in a hurry in traffic they’re trying to get somewhere in a hurry, you may get cut off, honked at, flipped the bird, it really isn’t about you, they’re only thinking of their commute not yours, but you are affected.
Here’s the twist;
“We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.”
from; Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 66-67
The victory is in overcoming those difficulties and helping others not to get caught up in the things that are done. They are truly in the past the only thing left is sorting the files, taking an honest inventory of ourselves, cleaning up the wreckage of our past, letting go and moving toward our future “rain or shine” yesterday’s history today’s a gift and tomorrow’s a mystery.
This prayer said daily changed my life
“God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
Pg. 63 AA
This is an enormous subject if you’d like to know more or get reference material that may help you sort things out for yourself, please feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com