Changing my thinking and my understanding of active alcoholism in retrospect
This may help you understand someone who is or was alcoholic in your life, or if you’re like me you’ll know you’re not alone.
Questions I had to ask myself in recovery that I’m sure would benefit even non-alcoholic/addict people.
Am I enjoying my life?
Are the things I’m doing, going to bring me the happiness and fullness of life I want for myself?
Am I in a vicious cycle?
Do I see what I can give in all circumstances or do I think what’s in it for me?
At work, is it about getting paid or the level of service I can provide?
Certain mindsets have a tendency to go with certain lifestyle choices.
In other words if I’m living a counter culture lifestyle abusing drugs or alcohol to the point in which I have to place unreasonable demands on others, it’s going to be a very complex life to manage and will depend on the tolerance of the people I depend on (parents, spouse, friend, employer, etcetera) and my ability to manage an unmanageable lifestyle. The normal cycle for us is that people let us down, fire us, kick us out and disown us. At least that is our perception (in part but we know we have a some part)
What’s normal for us can be very out of control. We live in a constant state of preparedness expecting the worst out of everything and everyone.
We miss things like work, school, anniversaries, birthdays, appointments, and being there for people when they need us, though that is not usually our intention.
We usually say things like “I do what I want when I want” or “who cares” or “whatever”. In an attempt to shrug the blame, guilt or consequence brought about by the expectations of others and from our actions
Truth is we really couldn’t help it, our condition (drunk or high) at the time prevented us from making a good decision or even remembering the event for that matter.
THE FACT IS;
We don’t want anybody pointing the finger of blame at us or to be responsible for hurt feelings because A. We usually don’t understand what happened. B. We’re tired of explaining ourselves all the time. C. It harms us because we don’t want to hurt anyone and we become guilt ridden.
This is much more complex and has many variables, additions and subtractions. Ultimately, addiction or not, any time we reach a “point of change” in our life, we ask ourselves “What do I do now?”
What we all do is change something, usually its spouses, jobs or geography. Sometimes we try to modify habits and personality traits. Regroup, recreate, reinvent “start over” “clean slate”
None of what was spoken about previously is really what’s causing our problems. The problem is, we put ourselves first in nearly all situations as a defense mechanism we protect our interests.
Some quick relationship examples are;
Parents; seldom do we address what kind of child we were, but we will tell you all about our parents’ faults.
In regard to our relations with the opposite sex, we have a tendency to look at how much they love us or satisfy our appetites.
Work is easy, it’s all about the Benjamin’s (pay) and status.
All of the previously mentioned have to do with our security, emotional, social and economic, and we do things based out of fear. Fear of any of those being affected or threatened as they often are, due to our lifestyle, thinking and overbearing actions.
The irony is, the measures we take, over time usually cause unbalance and eventual destruction of all of these elements.
Two things are certain I am always part of the problem and I’m always part of the solution!
“If I’m not part of the solution, I’m part of the problem”
People obsess, especially if we have a natural desire that is out of balance or threatened.
Example; We seek peace comfort and euphoria, we want to feel good, so we have a couple drinks, some drugs, sex or whatever satisfies our particular need.
I’ve learned in the proper relationship and balance these things used rightly can be good, a drink or two for social occasion or religious ceremony does no harm to the non-alcoholic. A doctor prescribing medication, and it being used as directed is safe for non-addicts, and sexual relations by design marital relations/procreation.
When anything is abused or used to excess it can be very destructive.
I believe what we seek is the euphoria and peace we are designed for which only God can provide.
Laying that aside for a moment, let’s address our thinking.
We project a false front or image (act), and our life is a series of hustles, scams, and manipulations, half truths, omissions, or outright lies. Primarily because we feel the real me is not likeable or cool enough we want to be seen as more or better than we think we are. The fundamental problem with this is, that somewhere down deep we feel inadequate, insecure, not good enough. I’ve heard it said that people with addictions have tremendous egos with a low self esteem
Who here has had the person in their life that always “just ran out of cigarettes” shows up at your house with a 6 pack and drinks a 12 pack? (The mooch) The person who’s got one just like the one you described but theirs is a little better.The one who’s never there when they say they will be and always has a lame excuse.
Have you ever told someone a story that wasn’t true and you could tell by the look on their face, they really didn’t believe you but you “didn’t care?”
We who have lived the lifestyle can spot that stuff from a mile away. They can tell themselves that stuff, but we won’t buy it. Most everybody can tell if someone is not completely honest and most everyone can spot a genuine and true character.
How many people here like hanging around with liars, how about thieves or cheaters? What about just generally negative people who are always a downer?
Exactly, most often all of us have the capacity to exhibit one or all these traits and I know from experience negative actions bring negative reactions.
I’m going to flip the script now and talk about how the change of mind works
Positive stuff Here.
The structure of recovery
Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness
Abandon self, trust in God, Clean house, and work with others
I have done these things and continue to practice the principles of recovery in all of my affairs. If you want to experience fullness of life to the degree I do? Do what I did,
First I stopped drinking and using, I got help by going to 12 step recovery meetings I prayed every day, I asked somebody to be my sponsor that walked the walk, and I followed his suggestions. I continue to work with others.
My prayers in the beginning and the prayers I live today.
Morning- God, please keep me free from a drink or a drug today and guide my thoughts and actions? Night- Thank you God for keeping me free from a drink or a drug today.
Morning- God I abandon myself to Thee build with me and do as Thou will help me to be of maximum service to You and my fellows?
Night- I said I was sorry where I struggled or fell short, thanked God for today.
Morning -God use me as Thou will and please protect me from myself
Night- acknowledge where I fell short and said I’d try to do better with His help, Thanked Him for the day
Today, I say “Good morning God” most days and I am in constant contact with God throughout my day. I get on my knees every night and say prayers for others and finish with I don’t know what’s best, You know best Thy will be done Thank you God.
Guidance Prayers- Please put people in my life to help me stay clean and sober? Please help me be open-minded and willing to do anything to stay clean and sober?
Situations, positions, and things
If it is good for me allow me to have it, if it will do me harm please block it from me?
I pray for knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry it out? Please protect me from myself?
I hope you enjoyed the read, feel free re-post or share this anywhere you think it might help someone else, if you want help comtact me at byersje@embarqmail.com Jason
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