Category Archives: Self help

Resolve

It’s brand new!
2015 it’s time to do your thing!
I don’t know about you, but I kind of felt like I was in a holding pattern all of 2014. I lived a pretty much reactive lifestyle. Of course, I was positive and tried my best to encourage others to live in that state of mind, but I was primarily reactive to all the situations of life in my daily existence. This year will be different instead of resolution I will be resolved. Everything that is part of my life, I will meet with passion and zeal, if not full on desperation. This is the year that “I’m all in”. I will keep my positive attitude and apply it with a hunger for life. The things I study, I will want to know through and through. I will shred the information and not only do the work! I will seek to find all that is hidden between the lines. Whatever I do, I will be passionate about. I will bring a level of passion and desperation as if I am saving someone’s life! I will be saving my own, turning again from “existing” to “LIVING”. I am going to press forward starting today and seek even more constant improvement and development (Mental, Spiritual, & Physical). In all this I will strive to have balance being very careful not to obsess while I seek perfect practice of living fully.
May 2015 bring you health, love, prosperity, zeal, and kindness, ~ J ~

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I’m Keeping The Strife out of My Life

That’s it! If I have a problem, I HAVE A PROBLEM! “Keeping it real” if my focus is contaminated or disruptive to my life as it happens, I know I need to address it, and then adjust my thinking. My serenity is directly proportionate to my spiritual, mental, and physical wellness. If I focus on the wondrous, life will be wonderful!
You are a incredible creation, what you have, I do not, there’s something very unique and special about you. If you have not discovered it, search yourself, you may not discover it, but it is there. Embrace and love everything that is you. Where we feel we are defective is often our best gift. It gives us the power of witness, our experience is similar to that of a great explorer. We can show others how we have made our way in this life. You were destined for greatness even though it may feel like mediocrity.
Be well, live, and love all, including yourself, ~ J ~

Independence or In dependence

 

I rebelled and struck out on my own as early as I was unable. I wanted to be my own man, I felt alone like it was me against the world and that nobody truly cared about me. I didn’t realize until years later how wrong I was. I see today by forcing my independence and not allowing anyone to get close to me out of fear of being hurt or letting them down is what lead to my isolation. I told my Wife before I married her “That I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and would not answer to her”. The reason I said that, or so I thought, was to proclaim my independence. In reality I was trying to shrug accountability and responsibility. The two words I just typed struck me funny, because that’s exactly where I was going with this. Allow me to clarify, both words have ability in them and that is it in a nutshell. I drank and when I did, there was no telling what would happen, where I might end up, when or if I’d even come home. So rather than continually having to apologize or justify behavior which was really beyond my control, I created my escape hatch. The irony is that I proclaimed my independence because of my dependence on alcohol. No excuses to be made, no arguments to have, I do what I want! right? Of course, this thinking was as flawed as my drinking. I built walls made of false fronts and bravado, I covered myself with a mask where you could no longer see me. There I was trapped by independence, a prisoner in my own mind

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I had all of these preconceived notions about everyone. Hiding inside, I’d think to myself I wonder if you like me or if you think I’m crazy. In nearly the same thought, think that I didn’t care, I don’t need anyone I’m my friend. I’d them assess your flaws and think of what I didn’t like about you in case you didn’t like me so your opinion wouldn’t count. I could then preserve my false pride and superiority while I battled my inferiority. I noticed over time how my scenery changed. The group of people and the establishments I frequented became, let’s say, less sophisticated. Seeking to be accepted yet never wanting to join. I was independent other than the fact that my entire life was dependent on the people around me and how long they’d tolerate the insanity. The very systems and thinking I put in place to maintain my independence finally succeeded and I was independent, in dependence and completely alone, with the exception of God. I talked to Him a lot but wouldn’t hear Him. At that point, when I didn’t understand why my life was like it was, I started to seek answers. I became honest with myself, I opened my mind to new ideas and principles, and most of all I became willing to change. I’m going to play on words because this came to me suddenly and made sense. I realized in any relationship which I am a partner I have to do a part. Also, that the whole world didn’t revolve around me and when I refused to participate it would just pass me by. Again, in order for me to be an active participant in my own life, I had to do my part. I began to tear at my walls. I found that I built the walls a long time ago, when I was a scared child and while in there I couldn’t see everything clearly. My vision was obscured by my perception. Like a plant without the proper son light I didn’t grow much emotionally and stayed a small scared child inside. Once I started to break down the walls and barriers that kept me inside I found they were primarily constructed of bottles of booze, drugs, cemented with lies I told myself to justify my behaviors and the things that brought me pleasure. When I discovered that was what had blocked me all these years, I began to kick and strike at them. I became angry but the walls were amazingly strong and I couldn’t break through on my own. I was dependent upon them to secure my independence. I began to cry out for help, it seemed nobody was listening. When I stopped yelling I could hear a faint voice say just stop drinking, start to do the next right thing that is in front of you. Trust another person who had walls like yours and together we will take them down.

True independence is based on total dependence and reliance upon God. He is the One who created us for a special purpose. We are designed to seek the peace and euphoria only He can provide. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating, pain and all of the things that bring some of us a similar feeling will not suffice, so we need more. We find in time, as you might expect, they stop working and the very thing we use for reliance, independence, and peace becomes our captor.

Break the chains of addiction and the vicious cycle of self will, seek the purpose of your creation, and ask God to help you offer yourself and your life to Him with complete abandon and fulfill your purpose. He will help as long as you’re willing to follow His gentle direction.

Good life to you, Jason

SELF as the Center of the Universe

 

I will speak from my experience, material I have read and principles I continually work. Some of what I say may have a familiar ring if you are in recovery, some you likely have not heard.

I’ll start with a quote and this is a fundamental concept for change.

“It is through self forgetting that we no peace.”

If you can wrap your head around this concept and apply it to your life you will be content.

What it boils down to ultimately is most of our problems are of self. Generally something that we desire, we’re unhappy about, or cannot accept. Some of us are completely self obsessed and don’t really have time to think about anyone else. We force our will in all situations and make minimal if any contribution that does not benefit ouselves.

Some popular sayings

This is my world and everyone else is just living in it!”

“Everything ain’t about you! Because it’s all about me!”

“I’m the center of the universe (my universe)”

(You get the idea)

This post is about honest self appraisal. Look at yourself honestly and either adjust and change or maintain the status quot, that is entirely up to you. This is only a small model for self awareness of a condition of life that can place you in a position of opposition with everyone, including yourself. Conversely, it may provide affirmation of an already giving nature.

I have some basic questions which may or may not help you determine if you want to become more altruistic (freely giving of yourself without expectation of return)

  1. Do I spend the majority of my time thinking about my wants and needs?
  2. Do I always take into consideration the needs of others before my own?
  3. Do I have a problem of self that I obsess over and causes me illness?
  4. Do I have any issues which dominate my actions, life and/or my thinking?
  5. Does my life take priority over all others that it is connected?
  6. Am I a giver or am I a taker?

If I’m always thinking of myself there’s no time for anyone else.

If I continually put myself first others will want me to be last, wait in line, or take turns

If I’m always concerned about myself nobody else needs to be.

I have invariably found that I have made decisions in my life based on self which later placed me in a position to be harmed. I have stepped on the toes of the people around me and they retaliated, seemingly without provocation. I believe that most of my problems arose out of self due to self-will running out of control. so most of my troubles were of my own making or exaggerations of my perception.

I lived a good part of my life like a parasite feeding off of others in nearly every relationship. It was always what I was getting, how I was treated, or my significance (ego, pride, Self)(I never really considered what others were receiving in return)even when I made time to give of myself it was on my terms, at my convenience. When I played with my children I didn’t play what they wanted to play, I played what I thought would be fun. At work I always had to be a front runner, calling the shots, always threatened by the ambition of others. At home it was the same, I had to have controls on everything (My will be done). In fact as long as I can remember, once I figured out you couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, and that I only had to deal with the consequences, I did whatever I wanted. My brother Scott told me once, after I came to him with concerns about friends and acceptance. He said “Who cares what anyone else thinks, this is your world and everyone else is just living in it” New Years eve one year I was around 16, Scott and I wanted to go to this party. We went upstairs and asked Mom if we could go. Mom said, “No, that’s going to be a drinking party, and besides you’re grounded for 3 months.” Scott and I returned to the basement, he was aggravated and said “I don’t give a shit, I’m going are you going or what?” I said, “we’re grounded” Then Scott unknowingly said something that would change my life. He said, “We are going to be grounded until we turn 18, we can do whatever we want, what are they going to do, ground us?” My poor Mom and Dad, there is 7 of us kids and we were all a bit mischievous. Scott and I went to the party, despite my Mothers direction and didn’t return home until around dinner time the next day. At the party, I was completely wasted long before new year. In fact the only thing I remember clearly, is someone saying “somebodies past out on the bathroom floor” to which I said, “kick em they’ll get up” only to open my eyes and be looking at the base of the toilet.

Once I stopped thinking about myself all the time most of my problems disappeared. By beginning to constantly think of others and how I might be helpful to them, others began to think about me (in a possitive light).

Be well, and enjoy life, put the time in with the people you love, you never know when the last opportunity will be to show them you care, Jason