Category Archives: Life

Missing Pieces and Broken Parts

I think everyone has some part of their life that’s been broken or missing at one time or for the rest of time. Most have experienced heartbreak, loss of loved ones, injuries, illness, etcetera. How we handle it is what defines the quality of our life. I come from hand me downs and sharing as part of my up bringing. Although, I did get a lot of new things, I don’t think I cared for them any more or any less. The things I’ve loved most in my life I’ve always wore out, broke or completely ruined faster. Long after many of these things useful life was complete, I still cherished them. I remember the trucks with missing wheels, I remember my sister had headless dolls she’d play with and so on. My point is the gauge of the love we receive may be in this proportion and also how much more shouldn’t we continue to love ourselves with our missing pieces and broken parts. Keep playing the game with all you have, as if nothing has changed. You still have great value!
~ J ~

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VAPOR

Life is but a small number of breaths and then it passes from us. I was speaking to my wife the other day and we were talking about something taking 15 years to accomplish. I said; “In 15 years I’ll be 60.” Right then it hit me and I have to admit it was pure shock. I said it again, except this time I exclaimed; IN 15 YEARS I’LL BE 60!!! WHAT HAPPENED? I was just a teenager, what seemed like just the other day. At best my life is likely 1/2 past. So it is. I feel pretty good; I see a lot more gray popping out, but it doesn’t seem like that much time has passed. So it isn’t. It isn’t a lot of time, life is short and I see now the more that passes the shorter it seems. I suppose being anesthetized only squandered and slowed my perception of time. That’s not where I intended to go, excuse the rant. Here’s my thought; the seemingly hopeless situations I have passed are beyond my ability to recall. Many of the difficulties and struggles I don’t even remember. Obstacles I thought insurmountable I have overcome or have been removed for me. Things that seem to go on for days, week, months, and even years seem like they passed with hardly a thought. So where I am today is pretty relaxed. I don’t get real excited about too much “drama of life” anymore because I understand that it will pass. Everything will work out according to Gods plan whether I participate or not. As a matter of fact things might even get worse if I try to put my controlling hand in. Sure I could sit back and look at all the possible scenarios and potential outcomes. For what? I’m not going to waste time, the solutions are either apparent or they present themselves over time. I just need to continue doing the next right thing that is right in front of me.

Worry only worries

Doubt only doubts

Their only purpose is fuel for fear. I trust the master plan and it always works out the way it is supposed to the end.

The “Good Life” is the one you have! Live it up! ~ J ~

SELF as the Center of the Universe

 

I will speak from my experience, material I have read and principles I continually work. Some of what I say may have a familiar ring if you are in recovery, some you likely have not heard.

I’ll start with a quote and this is a fundamental concept for change.

“It is through self forgetting that we no peace.”

If you can wrap your head around this concept and apply it to your life you will be content.

What it boils down to ultimately is most of our problems are of self. Generally something that we desire, we’re unhappy about, or cannot accept. Some of us are completely self obsessed and don’t really have time to think about anyone else. We force our will in all situations and make minimal if any contribution that does not benefit ouselves.

Some popular sayings

This is my world and everyone else is just living in it!”

“Everything ain’t about you! Because it’s all about me!”

“I’m the center of the universe (my universe)”

(You get the idea)

This post is about honest self appraisal. Look at yourself honestly and either adjust and change or maintain the status quot, that is entirely up to you. This is only a small model for self awareness of a condition of life that can place you in a position of opposition with everyone, including yourself. Conversely, it may provide affirmation of an already giving nature.

I have some basic questions which may or may not help you determine if you want to become more altruistic (freely giving of yourself without expectation of return)

  1. Do I spend the majority of my time thinking about my wants and needs?
  2. Do I always take into consideration the needs of others before my own?
  3. Do I have a problem of self that I obsess over and causes me illness?
  4. Do I have any issues which dominate my actions, life and/or my thinking?
  5. Does my life take priority over all others that it is connected?
  6. Am I a giver or am I a taker?

If I’m always thinking of myself there’s no time for anyone else.

If I continually put myself first others will want me to be last, wait in line, or take turns

If I’m always concerned about myself nobody else needs to be.

I have invariably found that I have made decisions in my life based on self which later placed me in a position to be harmed. I have stepped on the toes of the people around me and they retaliated, seemingly without provocation. I believe that most of my problems arose out of self due to self-will running out of control. so most of my troubles were of my own making or exaggerations of my perception.

I lived a good part of my life like a parasite feeding off of others in nearly every relationship. It was always what I was getting, how I was treated, or my significance (ego, pride, Self)(I never really considered what others were receiving in return)even when I made time to give of myself it was on my terms, at my convenience. When I played with my children I didn’t play what they wanted to play, I played what I thought would be fun. At work I always had to be a front runner, calling the shots, always threatened by the ambition of others. At home it was the same, I had to have controls on everything (My will be done). In fact as long as I can remember, once I figured out you couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to, and that I only had to deal with the consequences, I did whatever I wanted. My brother Scott told me once, after I came to him with concerns about friends and acceptance. He said “Who cares what anyone else thinks, this is your world and everyone else is just living in it” New Years eve one year I was around 16, Scott and I wanted to go to this party. We went upstairs and asked Mom if we could go. Mom said, “No, that’s going to be a drinking party, and besides you’re grounded for 3 months.” Scott and I returned to the basement, he was aggravated and said “I don’t give a shit, I’m going are you going or what?” I said, “we’re grounded” Then Scott unknowingly said something that would change my life. He said, “We are going to be grounded until we turn 18, we can do whatever we want, what are they going to do, ground us?” My poor Mom and Dad, there is 7 of us kids and we were all a bit mischievous. Scott and I went to the party, despite my Mothers direction and didn’t return home until around dinner time the next day. At the party, I was completely wasted long before new year. In fact the only thing I remember clearly, is someone saying “somebodies past out on the bathroom floor” to which I said, “kick em they’ll get up” only to open my eyes and be looking at the base of the toilet.

Once I stopped thinking about myself all the time most of my problems disappeared. By beginning to constantly think of others and how I might be helpful to them, others began to think about me (in a possitive light).

Be well, and enjoy life, put the time in with the people you love, you never know when the last opportunity will be to show them you care, Jason