I read many post yesterday and was reminded of my own difficulties. You may read my post and say “I’m insightful” or a “gentle soul”. I don’t attempt to speculate or read any minds, I only know from what comments have been made. It is nice to hear those things, it helps my self esteem. This blog is but a glimpse of who I am I would say the “Bright side”. I began producing this to help people who struggle in their present life and/or suffer similarly. I continue to have social issues, especially at gatherings, or when my behaviors matter most. I read yesterday of people talking about similar struggles and some more difficult. I love to look around and see people whom, not just overcome adversity but thrive and find even more fullness of life than they had prior to their illness or debilitating injury. (AWESOME)
This time of year is especially difficult due to the social and family gatherings. I don’t have full control over my attitudes, moods, actions, or what I say at times. This causes my family and I embarrassment and makes others visibly uncomfortable on occasion. I’m like the fidgety kid that has to sit on his hands to keep from flipping them around and banging, tapping, or knocking. (I used to be)It’s funny, because I just realized that this was probably caused by my suppression of all of the other actions and talking manifesting themselves in that way. Anyway, I find myself nearly every time I go to a gathering saying something or many things or acting out in ways that even I find inappropriate. The problem is stressors and sometimes other people can become a catalyst energizing or exacerbating my nervous or manic condition. I often find myself during these type events constantly trying to check myself (seldom successfully). Usually afterward having a conversation with whoever was my “designated handler” (LOL) about what they thought the perception of others might have been or if I upset anyone. I try not to beat myself up for it anymore. There’s not a lot I can do other than isolate and not interact or try to get someone I know (That knows me) to stay close by and attempt to keep me in check with the occasional shhhh, or nudge. This is not always effective and sometimes raises my defensiveness causing me to lash out justifying my behavior. Thank you to all that have helped me function in these situations and stood by me in anticipation of what I may do or say. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, and also for preparing me beforehand and consoling me in the aftermath For any that might be blessed to have me at their gathering this Christmas season or any other time, I will try to be on my best behavior, please don’t take me to seriously. LOL
Remember if it’s not within your control you really can’t blame yourself.
Try to manage your symptoms and learn to use tools and rely on others to help you be well.
Love yourself, you’re very special, ~ J ~