As I read I discovered many who have had different life experiences and difficulties or chronic illness. Some wrote about themselves and how they overcome or strive to overcome their burden. Still others were in a place of confusion or question wondering how they can live with their infirmity, compulsion, or obsession.
I’m in awe of the frailty of our human condition and deeply feel for some of the people who are lost in their affliction. Some spoke of harming themselves by cutting, others about binges and purging, some wrote of living with mental illness and how it has impacted their lives. (Much of which in my humble opinion boils down to spiritual illness and/or broken hearts)
In some stories you can see how they were victimized by people who said they loved them. How these people took advantage of them or blamed their mental instability for their transgressions as they caroused and womanized creating a path of victims (sick people of another variety).
I took time and commented on many that I read. I have words some times to say, but what do you say? If you don’t believe in yourself who are you going to believe? (been there did that) when things evidence themselves as being a certain way over a long period of time most of us decide “Well that’s just the way it is!”
I’ll give you something of myself and I know so far this has been on a low note, I encourage you not to think sad but compassion (inspire vigor and fight for peoples lives and happiness! this is reaching to the ground to pick somebody up. if we remain standing tall, they remain on the floor)
I went through a really bad period at the end of my active alcoholism. I was at such a point of pitiful despair that I sincerely hoped I would die in my sleep every night, only to awake disappointed. I’ve gone out during an electrical storm, in torrential rain, and on my knees with tears in my eyes begged God to hit me with lightning and end it. At my darkest point suicide was never an option because I believed my hell would be to remain in that pitiful moment of despair for all of eternity. (wasn’t going there). Fear was why I went on.
After I sobered up for a time my mind was chemically unbalanced and I had some pretty significant issues with insomnia and emotional wellness, as well as obsession. during that time I was doing a 12 step program (unsuccessfully) and about 4 months in I drank again. My Son J.T. passed from this life shortly after which sent me off the deep end. I was having difficulty at work and the my boss called me in his office and told me he wanted me to go to the “employee assistance program”. (Side note)This man had a personal tragedy in his life wherein he had twin sons pass away on the same day one had a heart attack while playing soccer and the other died upon hearing the news.(unreal right). So this man has a place of identification.) I said to him “What are they going to say to me? My life has been shit since I was little and it will be shit till the day I die and no ones going to tell me any different. I won’t believe it!—-”If that’s what you want I’ll go”. I needed my job
I went and at the time I was praying (and not for dead) asking God to guide me to people that could help me and that if I needed medicine to help me get the right medicine (because I didn’t want to get messed up worse), and if I didn’t need medicine to block it from me. All of which happened and I got the help I desperately needed at the time and a prescription to lamictal (anti-seizure medicine and niravam for anxiety as needed) I took those medications under the direction of a Psychiatrist for 5 years, while honestly working a 12 step recovery program(successfully). After that time I talked to the Dr. about coming off medication and trying life without it. He agreed and I haven’t been on medication for 4 years, and I no longer need to visit him. I have some mild issues at times if I’m out of balance and the conditions (stress) of life are extreme. for the most part I do fantastic. Paying attention to my spiritual fitness, mental state, my physical health, diet, sleep, and external stimulus is paramount. (what I put in my eyes and ears will condition my mind) Also, positive self talk and action are a necessity of life. I limit negativity and encourage others to dwell on positive thoughts and eliminate or try to limit negative thinking.
If you’ve read this far I encourage you not to settle. If somethings wrong and you don’t feel right, please seek help a great life is not as far away as you might think, there’s hope and you’re worth a little effort, so let’s get growing, Jason