One of the hardest things to maintain in life is balance. I look at the person on a unicycle, on the tightrope, juggling while moving back and forth and think comparatively that’s life.
I don’t think any of us gain true mastery of balance in our lives. Most of us lean heavily or favor some aspect we feel most deserving of our time, talent or treasure.
Some of us become out of balance to the point of illness (Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) this happens when we place too much importance on any one person, place, thing or situation. Since all aspects of our life need a proper portion of our time, talent or treasure, what usually happens is one or all other areas of our life get slighted or stolen from by our unbalance.
When the unbalance is extreme we call it obsession. This happens when we place a disproportionate amount of importance, time, money, thought, and effort on a person place, thing or situation of life, wherein we are consumed by it, physically mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
The strongest example is what I call “love sick”.
This can happen upon meeting someone, during a relationship, or the worst form after a break-up. Unbalanced affection and emotion placed on another human being, tipping ourselves so far in their direction that it needs to be received and returned. We’re either hanging in the wind unbalanced and off kilter or we fall flat on our face when it is not. In a break-up, well received love, once flowing back and forth suddenly ends. The flow becomes one way and is like a hang-on shock (electrocution) for some, where the path of their love goes straight to the ground. They continue to lean toward that person but now the equal and opposite support is gone and they are left to keep falling and can’t let go. Since the love was once there and we want what we had back so much we sometimes keep standing up and leaning or worse reaching up from the ground.
Nobody wants someone less than, everybody wants someone equal to or greater. Reaching up or leaning to heavily creates a burden on another where they feel as though they are carrying our weight or that we are in fact dragging them down. The right relationship is of equal support with each fully supporting their own weight (loving themselves and not being totally reliant on the love of the other). There is no end all be all in a relationship the obsession, starts with infatuation, and instead of love becomes possession. When that person leaves it is like they stole from you. (They were yours). This was never true; they were always their own, belonging only to God.
A relationship can only be healthy if each person wants the other person’s happiness more than their own. When a person only seeks after their own happiness, chances are they will not find it because that is selfish and only benefits one. That is a relationship that’s take, take, take, and the constant demand on another without a supply will deplete and diminish all that is given (parasitic or emotional thief). If the person we thought loved us leaves us because they want more or different, true love never really existed. More and better are produced by giving without expectation of return. I often say the gift is in the giving. (RANT) Which translates; if you give somebody a great gift that you put your heart and thought into, just give it? Don’t count the reaction as the value of your gift because they may be spoiled and ungrateful. Your gift is not any less perfect if it is not received well, the gift was of yourself and should have been received according to the compliment of who you are, and what you think they would like. If they miss it, they miss it. It applies in a relationship as well. Your worth cannot be determined by another human being if someone no longer appreciates you to the point they leave, don’t be sad for you be sad for them. Look only at your part see where you may have made mistakes and try not to make them again in the right relationship which is yet to come.
There’s page upon page I could pour into this just about that one aspect but I want to keep it simple.
Overindulgence or over importance of anything can lead to illness
Work, gambling, sex, love, eating, money, drugs alcohol, fill in the blank.
What it comes down to is
what makes us feel good?
If it makes us feel good, more of it would naturally make us feel better.
The problem; When we want something, it’s great, and when we first get it or partake, it makes us feel good. Once it becomes routine, it’s routine, or we try to add to it to get back to great or better.
It never works. Want will always leave you wanting.
The proper balance as I’ve come to find it, always has to be in focus. If I go to extremes one way or another with any person, place, thing, or situation, I have to recognize it and stop.
How do you know?
Is this taking too much of my time, talent or treasure?
We’re really seeking the peace, love, and euphoria only God can provide. Whatever else we try to fill that void with will not suffice.
I had a great man once told me “where a person puts their time, talent, and treasure, is their God.” That is the very thing that rules their existence.
Right thinking and balance are external not internal. I’ve spent many hours praying for right thoughts and right actions as well as freedom from the bondage of self. (Obsessions and addiction).
I prayed that God would help me to stay sober along with guiding my thoughts and actions. (I’ve been sober 10 years)
I asked God to take my cigarette addiction from me because I couldn’t quit on my own. (I haven’t smoked for 9 years)
After my son passed away, I was still sickly obsessed (Love sick) for my wife. I couldn’t bear the burden of both losses. I prayed that God free me of the pain and the love I felt for that woman and the next morning it was gone. I continued to do the next right thing in front of me. I put God first, my Wife and family second and my job third. In the process of seeking The Will of God for me (My true purpose for which I was created) I was shown my true self, how to love rightly, and interact with others. I started to see what I could contribute rather than what I could take.
I’ll leave you with this; I’m happily married today and so is my wife. My marriage was restored to a right love and a balanced relationship. The gift of myself I give freely on all fronts without expectation of return and what I find is that the gift is in the giving and often it is well received and returned 10 fold.
Live well, Jason