Writing Blind

What we usually write we can see.
We have to proof it before we show anybody.
This poses a question.
What if no one filtered his or her thoughts or feelings?
What if there were no defenses, and fronts,
and we put our real true feelings to words.
We’d all know exactly where we stood.
I have a great deal of experience with this.
For some reason or another I was born without a filter.
If a thought came into my mind, it surely came out of my mouth.
That was the hardest thing for me to deal with as a child.
If I thought it, I said it.
I’d speak and the people around me would gasp, or laugh.
The problem was, I wasn’t trying to be shocking or funny.
It hurt, and left me confused. I didn’t understand.
I wondered why I couldn’t control myself?
Why didn’t I think like everybody else?
I just blurted things out.
When I was young it happened many times a day.
This brought me to the point where I was afraid to say anything.
So I got quiet, I didn’t say anything for long periods of time.
I remember my mom being concerned because I wasn’t talking.
Brutal honesty, I understand a lot of kids do this and learn not to.
I’m still working on it. As an adult I still do it.
Most of the time I realize it right away.
People still laugh or get angry.
Tell me I’m ate-up, shot out, tore up with it (crazy).
It still disturbs me, the timing and delivery is
Sometimes accidentally very funny.
Sometimes it’s painful.
Not only to me sometimes I hurt or offend others.
My former bosses girlfriend came into the office.
She was usually bubbly and smiling (brace yourself)
She looked a little down, and I said:
“What’s the matter with you, you look like somebody died”
She replied:
“I just came from a babies funeral” (Gasp) I was floored.
I just threw my hands up to gesture
(You know I’m screwed up nothing to explain).
I’ve spent my whole life trying to either be like
Everybody else or embrace my uniqueness.
Have you spent countless hours trying to figure it all out?
Feel like you’re under the microscope?
Have you tried to hide right in the open?
You’re sure everyone is looking.
But don’t think anyone really sees you.
I’ve always been told I wear my heart on my sleeve.
The funniest part about that is, most everybody fronts.
So people don’t usually accept what’s on the surface, (ironic).
I can be totally myself and hardly one will think I’m really like that
My brother Scott told me it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, this is your world and everybody else is just living in it.
I ran with that for a while. I was a maniac and I embraced it.
We can pretend all we want, but deep down it matters.
I found a valuable truth. I don’t hang out with superficial people.
I hang around real people who don’t hide their true feelings.
People who aren’t afraid to express the way they really feel.
Who speak from their heart about things that actually matter.
People, who not only listen, but also hear what I’m saying,
Friends are sometimes afraid of their feelings but they share them.
We’re all not only unique; we are special, & have real significance
My children think I’m the best Dad.
My son Riley says I’m his best friend in the whole wide world.
My awesome wife thinks I’m awesome
They, like my friends see me, they hear me,
They feel me, and I them. “It’s all good”
To thine own self be true.
The world would be very different if everyone opened up a little.

I wrote this for me, and who ever else might have felt the same.

We were in that room all alone together.


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